The Stars That Pass
by The True Myth
Summary: No one knows where Izaya went or what happened to him, no one knew that he was in danger... at least not until his horrid little secrets begin to pop up. - Shizaya - ShizuoXIzaya - Warnings: Self harm, mentioned rape, kidnapping, ect. Summer is poor, I know - rewrite of Are You Really Gone?
1. Chapter One

**This is a rewritten verson of my story "Are You Really Gone?" **

**I found myself rereading it, realizing how much my writing style has changed and now I want to redo it, make it more how I envisioned it. Due to rather a lot of people requesting I keep the old fic up, I won't be taking that down just yet.**

**Warnings: Self harm, rape, torture, kidnapping, slight smut, abuse, yaoi**

**You have been warned, reviews and questions are welcome! **

**I do not own Durarara, the characters or most of the setting, the plot idea is mine.**

**Enjoy**

– –

"_I Know your story... I know how it ends"_

_\- Margaret Barrish, Political Animals-_

There is little feelings in the world as strange as the feeling of guilt. He knew he should be elated, he should be hollering for joy! Orihara Izaya was gone! Never to be seen again!

So why was his heart aching at every thought of the raven?

The tall, muscular blonde shoved his hands into the pockets of his black slacks, staring up at the apartment building that once was Orihara Izaya's, the new tenant, a kind young couple, had called Shizuo, requesting the blonde come and get Izaya's old things. Why they would call him of all people was beyond him, however he figured that it wouldn't anger him too much to simply be in the flea's old home, his scent no longer permeated the penthouse, it couldn't be as horrible as the ex-bartender feared.

Orihara Izaya... how could one describe him? A cunning, ruthless bastard with no regard to human emotions or lives? Or perhaps he could be seen as the devil himself... either way, he had been gone for the past three years, Shizuo was just happy he no longer had to listen to that God forsaken nickname...

So why did it hurt when someone said his name? Why, after these three years, did Shizuo jolt awake in his bed, thinking about the raven?

He sighed as he knocked on the door, looking at the newly painted numbers adoring it, the woman opened the door. Her name was Aiko, she seemed kind enough, after all she had been the one to find Izaya's things and instead of tossing them away, she called Shizuo. She had heard the stories of the two monsters of Ikebukuro and Shinjuku, she figured Shizuo would want Izaya's things, why, he didn't know.

She lead him through the house, the décor at atmosphere so different than it had been. He stood tall as he walked through, pushing the hanging lap out of the way so it didn't smack him in the head as he walked past. "I put all his things in here." Aiko said sweetly, just as everything she said was. Shizuo followed the point of her hand to a large box in the corner of the painted baby blue room... "We gave most of the furnature away or use it now, I just... didn't know what to do with all these computers and phones." She held a hand to her cheek, sighing as she shook her head. "My husband and I looked through all the cell phones, and all of them had your name in them, Mr. Heiwajima... I supposed you two were friends?" She was trying to not make assumptions, but she didn't know the extent of Shizuo's hatred.

"No... yeah, thanks." He said gruffly, "I just... didn't think about it." The blonde said, looking over as he knelt down.

"It's just so sad, loosing someone to suicide like that..." He looked up, aghast at the words coming from her soft lips. "Hiroshi and I were looking through the home security videos, trying to figure out more... I've never seen someone so broken up like that, I only assume that's what happened." She didn't care too much to look further into the life of the previous tenant.

Shizuo let out a sad chuckle, "No, um... he didn't kill himself, he just... vanished one day." He shrugged. "Do you... mind if I look through this?" He asked softly. She recognized the underlying question and bowed out, walking to the kitchen, she wasn't fearful of the man in her living room, after all, they had met to have coffee or sushi many times... her husband present of course.

Shizuo sunk down to the ground, the floor smelled like lemons, Izaya liked lemons... a pregnant silence filled the home as he began to slowly unpack the contents of the box. He skipped the many laptops, surely nothing too interesting could be on those. He sighed, seeing his numerous cell phones, notebooks. He found a stack of DVD's, cocking his head. That was odd... what would Izaya have to do with so many dvd's with random dates?

He packed up the electronics and thanked the woman, he took the mountain of crap to Shinra's, surely the doctor would have better use for most of it than he. Shinra welcomed the blonde in, just as he usually did and fully expected the box shoved on his table. "Well, what's inside?" The underground doctor asked curiously, Shizuo dropped down to the chair by the kitchen table.

"Poke around, don't care." He said, pulling a fresh cigarette out much to Shinra's dislike, and lighting it up, smoke bushing up over his eyes.

"You'll kill yourself smoking like that Shizuo." Shinra warned, but what did warnings do?

Shizuo shoved the box closer to Shinra, the doctor letting out a held sigh and began to dig through. At first it was exactly as he expected, computers, laptops, cameras, cell phones, way too many cell phones, even some of his beloved switch blades were in the box. "Seems weird... don't you think Shizuo?" He asked, making the brute look up from his cigarette. "I mean, this would all be stuff Izaya would take with him if he was moving or going underground... he even left his knifes. That's just... it's weird, I don't like it."

"Doesn't matter what you like." Shizuo gruffed, "He's gone, just... let it go." Shinra wanted to argue, Izaya had been his friend!

No one knew what had happened to the informant, nor did anyone think to give a logical answer. Many believed Heiwajima Shizuo himself killed the raven, others believed the Yakuza finally got to him, others thought he had killed himself, much like Aiko, from the evils he had caused... Shizuo and Shinra? They didn't start to guess.

Izaya never let anyone in, he never trusted, never allowed anyone to see his true face... maybe that was why he left... he wanted to start again.

"Shizuo." Shinra said, snapping his fingers in front of the blonde's face, goddness, he had been calling the body guard's name for nearly five minutes! Shizuo jerked back, snapping out of it,

"H-Hua...what?" He stuttered, Shinra had unloaded it all onto his table.

"What are these?" He asked, holding up on of the disks, the fading Sharpie writing in Izaya's flawless scrawl spelled out '_July 21, 2014.'_

"Hell if I know what the fuck the flea was doing on that date!" Shizuo grumbled, fuck... why couldn't people just leave him alone about Izaya? He didn't know what had happened to the raven, nor did he care...

He didn't care...

He didn't care!

Shinra knew the blonde was having an internal battle over this entire situation, hell, they all were, it was a struggle almost daily to figure out what happened to Izaya.

He grabbed his computer and turned it on, entering a password that Shizuo just bet had something to do with the headless rider who seemed... absent at the moment. "Let's just see."

At first it seemed like nothing more than a security video, it was poor quality, obviously there was a better copy since this was the negatives of it. Shinra stopped, "What the hell is he wearing?" He pointed to the Izaya waltzing around in his usual fashion in the video, but that wasn't a black shirt or pants...

"Holy shit, he's a freak." Shizuo chuckled, Izaya was wearing a leather kitten outfit! Shizuo watched in a slightly... sadistic humor, it was downright funny to watch the cocky raven strutting about in a kitten outfit like some common whore!

The Izaya in the video stopped as there was a sharp knock at the door, he sighed softly, not that either man noticed, the video was poor quality at best. The kitten walked to the door, opening it for a tall, dark haired man to come in, the camera followed Izaya, meaning that another human being was filming, that was... odd to say the very least. There was a closeup of Izaya, and through the black and white screen Shinra could see the makeup Izaya wore, this wasn't right. "Shizuo... somethings wrong here." He said, but Shizuo was too excited at seeing Izaya treated like an animal to care, or perhaps it was seeing Izaya looking as beautiful as even they could see, either way, his eyes were glued to the screen.

The male stepped into Izaya's home, eying him before speaking. The words were slurred, unheard however he took Izaya into his arms, Shinra moved back in his chair... this wasn't just a security video. The man slipped his hand behind Izaya's body, stroking the tail that shoved out from his ass, Izaya wasn't meeting the man's eyes, embarrassed and degraded. The stranger pushed Izaya into the wall, meeting his lips in a furious kiss, only when Izaya's latex pants were removed did Shinra slam his laptop closed, eyes wide and a crimson blush painted on his cheeks.

"T-That was weird." Shinra said, looking down at his suddenly intriguing shoes.

"So what? Flea's a slut, not like everyone didn't know that already." Izaya never mentioned his sexual life, so Shinra honestly didn't know the truth, however he figured the dark haired male did enjoy his bed activities. Shizuo shoved his cigarette into a white plate he was ashing on. "Look, I don't care about him anymore, that Aiko chick wanted me to get his shit, so there you go." He yawned, pushing his sunglasses on even though it was nighttime, "I'm going home." he said gruffly, "Look into the past all you want, I want no part in it."

With that he was gone.

Shinra stared at the dozens of videos in the box before pulling his laptop back open, the video paused as Izaya's pants were pushed away, showing the soft, pale skin under. He sighed, pushing his glasses back onto his face... no... he knew this was just digging into a wound that was truly never healed... but he needed this... he needed to know what Izaya was doing...

And so it began.

**I hope you enjoyed this! More chapters to come! Until next time, please review and tell me what you think, the original fic was called "Are You Really Gone?" And because I was asked not to, I won't take it down! So check it out if you want.**


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter 2 everyone!**

**I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, **

**Warnings: Self harm, rape, kidnapping, homosexual couples**

**I do not own Durarara or the characters, the plot and writing if strictly for enjoyment. **

**Enjoy!**

– –

"_I am and will always be the optimist. The hoper of far flung hopes and dreamer of improbable dreams." _

_\- Eleventh Doctor – Doctor Who-_

–

Shizuo hadn't been paying attention to the day, his time spent idly following Tom around Ikebukuro, shaking up debt stricken people when he had to but generally staying to himself. He didn't understand why the raven haired flea was on his mind once more, he sighed, looking up at the sky. Izaya was nothing more than a nuisance to Shizuo, so why could he not stop thinking about him?

So there lie his troubles, he sat on the park bench just a few feet from Tom, who was busy discussing the importance of paying to a completely ignorant druggie, a cigarette in his hand. Shizuo looked over out of the corner of his eye, wondering when he could go back home. He hadn't heard from Shinra in a couple of days, making him wonder what the underground doctor could be up to. He took a long intake of his cigarette before tossing it under the ground and putting it out with the toe of his shoe.

Tom had seen the way the man was on edge, something was on Shizuo's mind. He walked over with a gentle push of his glasses to put them back properly on his face. "Are we done?" Shizuo grumbled, pushing a hand through his dyed locks.

"Yeah, just about... say, is something wrong?" Tom asked, cocking his head to the side, he had often worried about his body guard, he felt the blonde male was like a brother or son to him and with that came the everyday worries. "You seem like you have something on your mind."

The blonde shrugged his worry of, not caring about it. He thought he was fine. "Shizuo." Tom said with a small sigh, "I know you better than that, what's going on?"

Shizuo looked up, biting his lower lip, he didn't want to admit that all this was about Izaya, the very man he claimed to hate and wanted dead.

He supposed he got his wish.

"I just..." The blonde ran a tired hand over his face, taking his sunglasses off, it wasn't like he really needed them, it was a stormy day at best. "I wonder, ya know? About the flea... I mean, who the fuck just... leave like that, he didn't even take his shit!" Tom rose a careful brow, he figured the man was upset about Izaya, he just didn't know how extensive.

"What do you think happened?" Tom asked,

"Fuck! I don't know!" Shizuo groaned, pushing his head into his hands, he didn't understand this, he shouldn't have been this broken up over that pretentious fuck! "I guess... suicide, maybe the Yakuza finally got him, hell, maybe someone just up and shot him, but he wouldn't just... vanish like that..." It was clear to the debt collector that his guard was over thinking this all.

"Shizuo, why don't you take off the rest of the day, we're basically done anyway, go get a drink, some food... get your head straight man, you're letting Izaya take it over again." Shizuo could only nod, perhaps this was his curse, to only think of Izaya even when he knew it was like a poison to him, a drug.

He shoved his hands far down into his pockets as he strode off, looking up at the stormy sky, he wasn't exactly prepared if a storm decided to hit but all the moment all he cared about was getting a drink. He pushed his way through the crowds of people who didn't care who he was, going towards the shittiest dive bar he could possibly find. He didn't care how good it was, he wanted booze.

He pushed the door open, the disgusting smell of cheap liquor filling his nostrils, he plopped down at the bar next to two older men, perhaps in their thirties? He didn't know, he was never good at guessing ages, he ordered a beer, nodding in thanks when it was handed to him.

"Best sex I ever had." One of the men smirked, "I swear that kid was as tight as a virgin." Shizuo grimaced, why did people feel the need to talk about their sex lives in public? No one cared if they got laid!

"Expensive though, I checked the prices on that weird website, that kid is the priciest whore I ever saw, 17574 yen!" The brunette man scoffed,

"Bitch overcharged me, got me for over 18 thousand!" Shizuo took a long swig from the bottle, couldn't these men shut up? He glared over.  
"Do you mind?" He growled.

The two men took a glance over at him, the elder looking of the two laughing at Shizuo, making the man grip his bottle tightly. "Seriously! No one gives a fuck!" Shizuo hissed,

He pushed some money to the bartender, getting another beer, he stood up and staggered out of the barstool he was sitting in, he was half tempted to leave until he caught the wiff of highly expensive calogne. He stopped and looked over his shoulder, seeing a tall, dark man with frown lines and a white suit sitting in one of the booths.

"Heiwajima-san." The man purred out, licking his lips to get the remaining drips of liquor from his thin lips. The blonde looked down at him, confused, this man looked familiar but a name was hard to come by, he didn't usually associate with high end looking people like that. The hand extended a hand, the music dying down as 1 Am hit Shizuo like a bus.

"Please, don't stare at me like that, Heiwajima-san, sit."

He didn't know why he did it, but he slid into the seat, raising a brow.

"Am I suppose to know you?" Shizuo asked coolly, the stern looking man almost laughed, the frown lines shoved deep into his pale skin, he looked like he was about 30 or 40, not someone Shizuo would usually see, he didn't seem like the type to skip out on debt, then again there were all kinds.

"Haruya Shiki." The man said, his voice sickingly sweet as if he was a snake in the garden of Eden.

"Haruya Shiki huh?" Shizuo gruffed, "Like I'm suppose to know who the fuck that is." Oh but he knew, of course he would know, the man was a high member of Awakusu-kai... even Shizuo knew that much. "So what do you want?" the blonde asked crudly, not wanting to waste time on this man in all honestly, his position in the underground Awakusu-kai meaning nothing to him, especially not now that he was nearly to the point of drunk.

"I'm sure you don't care, Heiwajima-san, however I know you have been looking into... things."

"What kind of things?" Shizuo tested, he didn't want to deal with this now, he didn't care what some stuck up mafia man had to say. The man smirked lightly, making him seem even more unattractive, his white suit was wrinkled even though he was simply sitting and the frown lines on his face made him seem ugly and angered.

"I know of your little... business with Orihara-san." Shizuo bristled slightly, sitting up straighter, of course this was about Izaya, what else would it be about? Who just up and vanished?

This world was still in that flea's fingertips and they all knew it.

"What about him?" the blonde narrowed his eyes, his fingers rapping on the table's wood to give his hands something to do. He looked down, seeing a crack in the wood... fuck...

"Heiwajima-san, Orihara-san has been missing for over three years and yet... you have shown interest in his belongings and videos."  
"How the hell do you know that?" Shizuo said, tryng to calm himself, he had heard that this Awakasu-kai bastard had ties with Izaya, but the raven had ties with any dangeorus being.

"What does it matter?" The brute asked softly, he was growing tired of this, he was one of the few who believed Izaya was still alive somewhere out there and yet he wanted to just let the memory die away.

"What if I could offer information to help you find him?"

– –

Shinra Kishitani prided himself on intellect. He knew he didn't have the fancy medical degrees or the trust of the common people to be a real doctor, but he knew he was a bit smarter than his peers.

However it didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on in these disgusting videos.

He didn't want to watch, but just like Shizuo, he wanted to know what had happened.

He felt arms wrap around him in a slight comfort, making him sigh in sadness. "I can't make heads or tails of it Celty." he said to his beloved headless rider behind him, he listened to the soft tap of her slick fingers on the keypad of her PDA, pausing the video with his pointer finger.

She flipped the phone his way, "_What do you think?" _She asked with a tilt of her helmet.

"That's what I don't know, every video a different guy, they give him money at the end and someone is filming it, it's no security feed and there is about three minutes of black screen at the end of every tape ... but he had money, he couldn't have been a prostitute..." He sighed warily, "But this just... doesn't make sense."

"_Have you thought about searching the internet? Izaya's all over that place, maybe there's things we don't know..."_

She made him dinner while he searched through the box of videos, playing the one on the computer why did his old friend have all of these?!

Then he stopped, "Celty... do you hear that?" He asked, looking to his computer screen, the black screen was back up in the video, he quickly pushed the time back two minutes before. "Come here a minute." he said, turning the volume up as high as it would go.

"Just let me go." The voice growled, making Shinra narrow his eyes, that... that was Izaya's voice, loud and clear. "You have the fucking money, get out, leave me alone." There was a low laugh, mocking the raven. "Leave me alone!" Izaya shouted, the sound grew hazy, the sound of a hand slapping skin make Shinra jump back,

"Don't you fucking talk bitch." Another voice came, it was low, like a demon's, it came out as an order. "You got another client to take care of, get out of my sight."

Then it went silent.

Shinra stared at his computer screen, the words "Replay?" sticking out in all white in front of a blue screen. He sighed shakily.

"_That was Izaya..." _Celty typed, Shinra could only nod,

"That... was Izaya..."

He never heard someone sound so... different, he thought he knew what Izaya sounded like, that voice always was so strong, never letting out any emotion... but he swore he could hear tears, the broken hearted cries of a man. He closed his laptop, looking at all the DVD's left, "Celty?" She looked up, "Do you think someone did this to him? Do you think that's why he left?" The headless rider cocked her helmet, confused.

"Do you think that's why he never let anyone touch him?"

That was what Shinra never understood about his old friend, the raven never let people get too close, when they were younger, high schoolers, Izaya didn't let people touch him... it started when he was about 17, it only got worse with age. Shinra thought he was a germiphobe or something along those lines. "Celty..." Shinra looked up, begging for her opinion.

"_I don't think he ever left."_

– –

Shizuo stared at the man in deep confusion.  
"What do you mean?" He asked, setting his drink down, "No one knows where Izaya is..."

Shiki almost laughed, "No Heiwajima-san... not exactly true, I may not know exactly where my informant is, however I may be able to offer insight on where he ran off to, wouldn't you like to know that?'

Shizuo had to admit that it sounded nice. Shiki smirked, the blonde did want to know. He reached down to take a folder from the seat beside him, Shizuo tensed, thinking the man was pulling a gun which only made Shiki laugh a bit more. He placed the folder on the table. "Perhaps this will help." He said, sliding it forward.

Shizuo stopped and stared, the folder wasn't thick but it wasn't empty either. "What is the matter, Heiwajima-san? Rethinking your desires?"

"No..." He said quickly as he took the folder in hand, "I just didn't think he would ever come back into my life..." The blonde was about to open the folder before Shiki stopped him. 

"There are eyes everywhere Shizuo, perhaps open it in a more... personal enviroment." Shizuo rose a brow but Shiki spoke again. "There is a fine line between love and hate, I'm fairly certain you and Orihara-san no longer know what that is."

And with that the man left, leaving Shizuo to ponder the words pushed into his mind.

He took the folder to his empty apartment, the smell of cigarettes no longer bothering him as they once did, he nearly tossed the information to the table, trying to not think too hard on it as he grabbed a bottle of strawberry milk from the fridge...

"_There is a fine line between love and hate..." _He shivered lightly, he hated Orihara Izaya, he wanted the man dead...

Didn't he?

Had that not been what most of his adult life had been about? Had he not drempt of Izaya's death time and time again? He groaned softly, dragging a tan hand through his bleached blonde hair.

"Fuck!" He hissed, slamming his face into a pillow.

"_I'm fairly certain you and Orihara-san no longer know what that is..."_

Shizuo knew what what that gang bastard had been pushing towards, he didn't love that damned flea... he couldn't... it was near impossible to even like him!

He held the cell phone in his hand, that black little device that Izaya kept so dear to his heart, Shizuo could never understand what was so important about it... but he figured the flea was into some weird shit.

He plugged the phone into the wall socket, watching it light up as it charged. He figured a new phone would be nice. The blonde male watched the light flicker, the cell charging after so long of not being used. He sighed, taking it in his hand. "What's so special about you? He cared more about you than everyone else?" He asked softly, then the man groaned. "I'm talking to a fucking phone."

Shizuo figured he was going crazy, talking to a cell phone like it was the owner. He stared at the home screen, wondering what could be so important about it, he unlocked it, surprised at the fact that Izaya didn't password lock it... he would have thought such a paranoid man would have locked his most prized possession. He rose a brow, the default screen saver, so this wasn't Izaya's true personal cell, it was just another disposable.

He turned to the contacts page, looking down the extensive list of phone numbers, most under nicknames or false names that he didn't know who the owners were. He sighed softly, seeing a few he recognized such as "Doctor-chan" or "Celty" or ….

He stopped, almost smiling,

His name in the phone was Shizu-chan.

He would have hated the stupid name if he had seen it while Izaya was there, he probably would have threatened him, demanding he change it because as he said time and time again, his name was Shizuo Heiwajima, not some girly name like Shizu-chan for fuck's sake... but as he stared at the glowing screen with luminescent letters shining up, he simply smiled.

Perhaps it was because this was what he had left of Izaya.

Izaya Orihara had been a thorn in his side, a demon and for all Shizuo knew, he could have been the devil himself, the man was so sick a twisted, however now that he was gone, the city quiet and bland without his tricks, Shizuo felt himself missing the devil with red eyes, he found himself... wanting him back.

Shinra laid in his bed that night, the headless rider resting beside him though he knew neither of them would sleep. "Shizuo said that the lady who lives in Izaya's old apartment gave him all the stuff she found of his..." Shinra whispered, laying back with his head propped up on his arms behind him. "Unless he died, he wouldn't just leave it all there... Celty I..."

She stopped him.

"_Go to sleep..." _She typed, "_Tomorrow will be another day, even if he's still alive, what can we do? What if he doesn't want to be found?"_

But Izaya did... he wanted so badly to be found...

**I hope you enjoyed chapter 2! If anybody wants, I may do the next chapter showing Izaya and what's going on with our baby!**

**So-**

**Comments, complants, questions, whatever you have for me, comment them and review! I really appriciate every review I get and it makes me so happy to see people reading it!**

**Thank you!**


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter 3!**

**Wow! I'm actually surprised at the love this story I getting, especially from after how popular Are You Really Gone? Was!**

**Thank you very much!**

**This section may be a bit goreyer than the other two, most because part of this will be in Izaya's POV, **

**Warnings: Self harm, rape, kidnapping, homosexual couples**

**I do not own Durarara or the characters, the plot and writing if strictly for enjoyment. **

**Enjoy!**

– –

"_We must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy."_

_\- Albus Dumbledore- Harry Potter Series-_

– –

There were nights he lay in silence, begging for the sun to return, begging for the day the doors would open and he could return to the world he had began to hate.

There were nights he wanted to die, wanted to lay down and cease existing...

He took a shaky breath in, dull, crimson eyes moving up to stare at the rusting lock at the door, hoping that it would open and let him see the lights once more.

Orihara Izaya, the cunning, sadistic information broker had been cut down to his roots, chained down and broken.

He didn't know where he was, only that he could hear cars below them and that he heard screaming quiet a lot in the other apartments above and below them. The walls were dirty, stained with blood, cum and the memory of each person who came in. He leaned on the wall that felt the coldest, assuming that it was the wall to the outside world.

He took a shaky breath in, roped down on the filthy bed, his back pressed to the wall, his legs drawn to his chest. He knew this well, the sickening agenda they had, the raven would stay in his bloody room, chained down like a caged bird until the next client of his master's would come, then he would be stripped or forced to wear something disgusting and highly degrading for someone of his stature and fucked until he bleed, perhaps if the client was kind at least they would wear a condom.

Izaya looked up, hearing voices come near, he gasped softly, eyes large as the door opened...

It was no client,

It was his master.

"Get up." the man hissed, he was tall, standing in the doorway, his chocolate brown hair tinted red in the sunlight. The other man stepped behind him, blocking the sun from Izaya's view and the ravenette mourned it's loss. "I said get up!" The brunette growled, striding forward and grabbing Izaya by the hair, pulling him forward.

"Fuck you." Izaya growled, narrowing his eyes. After all these years, he still fought back.

Ren Kaido was appalled by him, rage took over his mind and he slammed Izaya's skull into the wall. The raven cried out in pain, however it was a pain he was far used to by now.

The tall brunette nearly wanted to kill Izaya if he was not so poular, the raven was nothing but a thorn in his side and a good lay. The raven fought and fought and it seemed he would continue to do so until the day he died. Ren sneered at him and let the raven crumble to the ground like a blood doll.

"You've got a special client today Orihara." Ren purred as he walked closer and closer to the feeble man, it was... entertaining for him to see Izaya so low down and pathetic, a child in this cruel world he helped create!

Ren clicked his tongue to catch the attention of the dark male behind him that stood in the door. The man strode forward, picking Izaya up and undoing the rusting chains. "Get him cleaned up." Ren commanded before he walked out with all the cocky style of a king.

The dark haired man lifted Izaya up as if carrying a bride into the bathroom. Izaya didn't even have time to argue when the man dropped him none too kindly in the bathtub, making him groan in pain. "Be gentle you fucking brute!" The former informant growled, his back aching from the businessmen the day before and the unforgiving edge of the tub stabbing into his lower back. He was given no warning when ice cold water shot from the rusty shower nozzle and began to fill the bath, Izaya shrieking in displeasure. "It's cold!" He cried as the man began to strip him of what little clothes he did have.

He didn't know how long he had been in the hell hole that Ren Kaido forced him into nor did he truly remember why he was able to be captured so easily... he was Orihara Izaya! He couldn't believe he had allowed himself into this disaster!

His tattered clothing fell to the ground, exposing a thin, sickly pale body of a man who once ruled the world. Izaya wrapped his arms around himself quickly, the dark male scrubbing the dirt away none too kindly. Izaya's skin was beginning to grow red. "Be gentle asshole!" Izaya growled before he realized where the man's hand was heading towards. He groaned inwardly. God why couldn't these bastards leave him be?!

The man placed his hand over Izaya's wet member, toying with it as he pushed his free hand through his hair, shampoo stinging Izaya's eyes however the raven knew not to say a word least he be hit. He quickly tried to look away, the man growling as he yanked his hand away. "How are you such a high price bitch, you don't fucking respond."

Izaya was one of the Kaido's top sellers, he had been since he was 20, most of the clients wanted their fucks to be young and nimble and Izaya was just what they wanted. The stronger man shoved Izaya's head down into the water, making him gag on the dirty liquid as the shampoo washed out with his thrashing.

After he was dressed, his white bunny outfit tight on his skin, he sighed, sitting on the nice bed in the client room. He was the fantasy, he was the whore everyone wanted to be with. The raven looked at his own appearance in the mirror, looking at the animal he had become.

There were days Orihara Izaya wanted to see the sun once more, at least once before Ren Kaido ended his life like he knew the cruel man would...

But there were days he wanted to die.

– –

Shizuo didn't know what to think anymore, he listened to the words Shinra had to say, listened to what he heard on those disgusting videos, then he handed the man the manilla folder.

"What's this suppose to be?" Shirna asked, the blonde strugging.

"That guy, Haruya Shiki, I saw him at the bar last night, he said it would help." Shinra rose a brow, what good could come from accepting help from a Awakusu-kai?

They never had any good to offer.

He opened the folder, spreading the pile of papers and files that was its content.

He saw screenshots of websites, a website called FantasyMaker. "What kind of bullshit is that?" Shizuo asked, cocking his head.

"It's a... hooker site... you bid on a human and if you win... you get that person as long as your willing to pay."

Shizuo didn't see what this had to do with Izaya or why it was so important that Shiki had such information.

"There's hundreds of these kids, and I mean fucking kids. This one doesn't look older than 18..." He showed his friend the pages, little dyed red head kid, he was cute... "He's called Cherry Coke..." He said, "My god these people don't even have names anymore."

This was unbelievable, these children were being sold as slaves.

"Shizuo..." shinra said softly, however the blonde wasn't listening, his mocha eyes were huge, pages and pages of people sold as sex slaves... they were property of one man. "Shizuo... look." Shinra said numbly as he handed the man a paper.

'_Orihara Izaya.'_

Shizuo took the page from Shinra in fear, shaking. "They didn't give him a whore name..."  
"They figured anyone would pay a good price to see the great Izaya down on his knees..." Shinra rubbed Shizuo's back.

Shizuo was paralyzed. Only two years before he would have done anything to see Izaya like his, hurting, dying, broken...

He just wanted to hold him, he wanted Izaya home...

Izaya's photo was larger than the people before his, probably because most would find it impossible that the real Izaya Orihara would be there, dressed like a sex toy... and for only the price of money? Anyone would take it...

Shizuo felt like he was going to be sick to his stomach.

"This is horrible, h-how could anyone do this?" Shinra whimpered, shaking as he spread all the papers out, profiles, prices of humans! "There's a number to call..." Shizuo gasped, pointing at the paper he held in his hand. "Shinra! This is directly off of the website right? There's a fucking number!"

Perhaps this was his lucky day, he never really had one of those, he had thought when Izaya vanished that whatever god was out there was smiling down at him... now it seemed that god was giving him a second chance.

– –

It went how it always had, the man came, fucked him senseless, his outfit was ripped to shreads, which he knew Ren would probably give him a few good beatings for, paid his sum and left.

He heard the phone ring, just as the other people did that were working in house, he didn't know how many there were like him, but he knew that they were not as high priced as he was, what could he say? The Great, Hated Informant was finally down.

The ringing stopped when Ren Kaido answered, using that sickly sweet voice to coax whoever the client was to purchase his fantasy for the night, or week... or if his price was high enough... to keep.

Izaya pulled whatever dignity he could back into his chest, yanked his white panties with the bunny tail back on, it wasn't much clothing but it was enough to cover his bruised ass. He crawled to the door, trying to listen, just as Cherry Coke did on the other side of the home.

He took a shaky breath, praying whoever was on the line, that they would be gentle to the poor soul who was forced to be with them.

"_You have a taste for the pricy, Mr. Kiwashnima." _Ren purred, it wasn't a name Izaya had ever heard of. If they were looking for pricy whores... it was between him and the red head... he didn't know his name...

When the line went dear, he jumped at the sound of his door unlocking. He stumbled back onto the floor, shaking, glaring at the intruder.

"My popular baby." Ren grinned, pulling Izaya up by the chin and pressing their lips together. Izaya growled, yanking back but he was held close by his master. "Why are you so popular? It's not like anyone actually misses you."

Izaya stared up. "Oh no my beloved... it's because the great Orihara Izaya is finally knocked to his knees, forced to be the whore we all knew him to be..." Ren smirked. "Because finally, you have become the... flea... you always were."

Izaya stopped breathing at that nickname... who had called him that? Who... was that who called him flea?

"F-Flea..." He whispered.  
"You have a client in three days, a Mr... Kiwashinma..." Ren shoved Izaya to the ground, the raven whimpering softly. "He's high paying, you better not fuck this up, darling." He purred, storming out of the room, leaving Izaya to clean himself, just as he usually did after a client.

This was the life that Izaya had learned to live, he had learned to forget anything about his old... least he be killed for remembering.

The dark man stood close to Ren, smiling down at his younger brother. "I'm surprised no one's come looking, you'd think such a... famous bastard would cause much more of a stir than he has..." Judo smiled, almost sweetly.

"People pay good money to see the ones they hate so much down, its simple really, Orihara gets captured, which means he can't destroy lives any longer, then the people he's ruined come back to get a taste of revenge." Judo rose a brow at his younger's theory. "And we get the money he brings."

Izaya was one of their top buys, he was trouble and men liked the look of danger. A few women came in, not often but occasionally, they came to treat him like an animal, to break him even more.

However Cherry Coke was fun to play with as well.

Cherry Coke... he had been a valued member in the Dollars, not as high value but still wanted, when he been betrayed by some Dollar members, Ren and Judo took the opportunity to build their business, Izaya had been his mentor.

As Izaya climbed into the shower, Cherry was shoved into his room, they often took showers together to save on water. "Hey..." The battered raven smiled down at him, the younger looked up, smiling slightly. "I saw your guy come out... his wife is gonna kick his ass."

Izaya nearly laughed.

"Don't they all."

For a moment they shared a laugh, a rare moment in their world, but it was their moment.

"How was yours?" Izaya asked, handing the red head the shampoo and watching as he cleaned up.

"He wasn't too bad, a little rough at the start but he was small." Izaya nodded, watching the boy clean himself. Izaya shaved a bit, making sure he was ready. He hated this for Cherry, he hated that the boy was going through hell every moment... just like he was, however he knew how it was your first two years.

"-zaya? Izaya?" Cherry smiled. "You zoned out... I heard you have a job in three days, what was his name?"

"Kiwa something or other, not like it matters, he'll ask me to scream his name like every other low life does and get it over with." He shrugged...

For a few minutes they stayed quiet until Izaya nicked his leg shaking. Cherry looked at it, the blood dripping down. "One of these days, we're going to get out of here, right Iz?" Cherry whimpered, Izaya nodded, pulling the boy close.

"One of these days we will."

– –

**I know it's short and horrible! Please forgive me!**

**I hope you enjoy it, I thought it would be fun to show you all what's going on!**

**Cherry Coke will be an important part of the story a bit on, but he won't be hella special, he's like Izaya's little brother and they take care of each other in the big house. **

**Anyway! Now you kind of see why it is rated why it's rated! Please comment, rate and follow! I love each comment I see and get!**


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter four!**

**So I hope you all enjoyed chapter three and that Izaya was finally in, I had originally decided to only show slightly what Izaya was going through but I actually enjoy having him and Cherry in the story.**

**So this is chapter four, I do not own Durarara or the characters.**

**Warnings: Implied rape, abuse, homosexual couples, ect. **

**I wanted to let you all know, this will not be as long as the other, but the chapters are much longer and I am changing basically everything **

– –

"_Just remember this, if you go out that door, it's your choice and nobody else's."_

_\- Margaret Barrish- Political Animals-_

**Enjoy!**

– –

Shinra sat in his chair, trying to breath slowly, he had just done what he never wanted to do again... he ordered a person...

He was ordering Izaya.

"You okay?" Shizuo said softly, knowing how hard this was for Shinra. Hell, it was insane for them both.

"No."

And Shizuo knew it was the truth. Neither of them were alright.

"We have three days."

– –

Those days were hell for the ravenette. He was to look his best for apparently a high class client. Ren glared him down as he washed his hair for the twentieth time. "Why do I have to do this..." Izaya said, he didn't mean for Ren to actually hear, however the elder man rose a brow and tangled his fingers into Izaya's ebony locks.

"Because sometimes, whores have to make money." Ren sneered, making Izaya look up at him.

"I'm not a whore and you know that." He hissed, glaring at him with hatred. Izaya was a rare man. He had been under Ren's 'care' for almost three years, most people would have somehow killed themselves.

But not Izaya. Izaya still had that glint of hope in his eyes that Ren wanted to destroy.

The brunette man growled, annoyed with the once great male. He shoved Izaya's face into the side of the tub, yanking his shorts down. "Look at you, I remember you being so smooth and clean... you look like a little bitch." Ren laughed coldly, Izaya looking up.

"I'm not a bitch!" Izaya yelled back, his eyes grew huge... under the sink... there was a knife...

"Shut up and clean up whore. You better look good, this ones a high paying man." Ren rolled his eyes, pushing away and shoving Izaya into the tub. "Your clothes are on the floor, hurry up."

When the door slammed shut, Izaya sank back, hiding in the dirty, bloody water, he whimpered softly, rubbing his chin. "What happened to you Ren?" He asked softly. His eyes flickered back to the knife... was this a test? Would they kill him if he took it? Or was it some cruel yet brilliant joke played on him by the God he didn't believe in?

He eyed the door as he slowly slid over, taking it in his hands. He wanted to cry... he... this could be his freedom!

And Cherry's too...

He turned the water off, grabbing the clothes given to him, black booty shorts, a black v-neck shirt... what the hell was Ren playing at? Trying to make Izaya feel like himself?!

Then he took his rings in hand that were laid down. He slid them on his fingers.

"This better be pretty important..." he whispered.

He slid the blade into his shorts, it was short enough to cover. He smiled slightly, taking in a breath of relief.

He left the bathroom, turning the water off and smiling a bit.

This was his freedom.

– –

"What are you going to do... when he gets too old?" Judo asked, staring at Ren. He knew when the man was angry, he had a tight look in his eyes, a glare of cold, heartless souls. Ren gripped at the papers below him.

"Kill him, why should he be no different from any other slut who can't preform?"

"No one is looking for him... so death is his fate?"  
"It's everyone's fate Judo." Ren snapped, glaring up at him. "It doesn't matter... make sure he gets dressed."

– –

Shizuo felt like he was going to puke for the third time that day. He looked in the mirror, fingering at the nice clothing he wore. "You can't look like yourself Shizuo... they can't know who you really are... not if we actually want to bring him back." Shinra reminded him again, the blonde nodded.

"I know... but I... I just..." 

"You don't have to lie." Shinra sighed, he was bent over the table, looking at the files, how many were there still alive, how many crying? "Shizuo... something's changed in you since Izaya vanished, we've all noticed, you don't smile as much."

"What do you mean?" The taller man turned around and rose a brow, confused for a moment before realizing how true that statement was. He hadn't smiled, the boring, lifeless days he went through gave him little to smile about. He sighed softly, letting his hands fall. "That's what happens when someone you knew so well just... leaves."

"Do you really hate him all that much anymore?" Shinra asked, sitting down, crossing his legs and giving his usual coy, all knowing smile. "It's been almost three years and everyone thought you would be rejoicing, we all thought he was dead and-"

"I know what you thought Shinra." Shizuo growled, balling his fists up before calming.

"What will you do when we see him again? He's not the same man..."

"I'll protect him... like I really should have back then... I... wont let him go again."

Shinra smiled lightly, Shizuo was falling hard and they all knew it well.

– –

Cherry was trying to sleep after his last client, he always tried to sleep off the horror after something like that happened, especially after the men came in asking him to call them 'daddy' or 'master', it just brought in bad memories.

The redhead couldn't sleep, usually he could stay up past the screams or pain and pleasure, the laughs and grunts of clients, not tonight. He lay awake on his little bed, it wasn't too uncomfortable, nothing like what he had at home.

Home...

He didn't really know where that was any longer.

He once called a small apartment in Shinjuku home, where he lived with his single mother and elder brother Yanza. He remembered a twin bed, much more comfortable than this piece of shit he laid on now, a bedroom with movie posters that he couldn't even remember if he liked anymore, American movies his mother tried to stop him from watching but he loved too much to stop.

Cherry rubbed the back of his sore neck, hating how much it hurt when he had to blow someone, couldn't he just sit on his knees rather than bend all the way down? Damn..

He wished more than anything that he never trusted Ren Kaido.

He had been so innocent, so trusting and so needy for someone to love him the way he wanted, so when Ren Kaido asked him to dinner to discuss Cherry having a job working for him as a personal assistant, it sounded perfect. Ren seemed the type to love on people. When he began to work for the cruel man, it started out him answering the phone, then having sex with the boss... when... he was the one being ordered...

He had trusted his hormonal emotions over his mind.

His mother put up a missing persons ad, it had been up for almost six months before the police informed her that Jin Haniko wasn't found, he never would be found...

He wondered if they stopped looking for him.

He took in a small breath, hearing the door open and the command for him to go shower. He knew better than to argue at that point, he knew better than to say no to anything that he was told, after almost two years of this hell, he learned his place. He was the second best slut in the business, of course, under Izaya.

He and Izaya met when Jin got into the true business Ren had going, when Jin became Cherry. Izaya was suppose to watch after him, to make sure he didn't try anything stupid to get out or kill himself or worse... attack the costumers. He had sat in on Izaya a few times, learning the trade.

He found a brother in the program. The redhead sat up in his bed and yawned, stretching his arms over his head, he never got used to the abuse, the sore feeling of being fucked into a mattress even though he knew he should.

He climbed out of the twin bed, pulling his clothes entirely off, like most of the boys and girls in the building and business, he no longer felt embarrassed to have his entire body on display, everyone had seen it at least once, it no longer mattered. He walked through the halls to the shower, grabbing a towel from the rack, he knew the routine by now. He was about to get into the shower before he saw the raven haired man walking out.

"Izaya?" He called, noticing the slight bulge in his pants. Was he hard or something? Didn't he get enough sex?

Cherry sighed and shook his head, he was the closest to Izaya and still even he didn't understand the raven in the slightest. He found him to be an enigma... or at least he used to be before their worlds were completely destroyed.

He climbed into the shower, taking one of the razors that was already in there, he didn't know who last used it and Ren never cared to give them specific things. He pushed shampoo through his hair, sighing as medium hot water splayed against his skin. He picked up the razor, shaving his legs. A loud 'bang' came from the room behind him and gasped in pain, the razor accidentally digging into his skin.

Oh God... he would be beaten for this one.

Cherry whimpered as he approached his room, blood dripping down his leg, he was fearful at best, they weren't suppose to have any marks self made on them... it could be seen as a suicide attempt and only the freakest of freaks enjoyed little boys and girls who wanted to die. He saw his raven haired friend and ran into his arms.

Izaya was shocked, the boy slamming into his frail body. "C-Cherry?" He asked in worry. "What's wrong?!"

"I-I hurt myself by mistake!" Cherry whimpered and Izaya sighed. He took the boy back to his room...

This was the world they lived in, the world Izaya would fight to leave.

– –

Izaya felt the knife pressing into his thigh under his black shorts, he watched as Cherry struggled to fall asleep, the younger man nervous. He knew that they wouldn't tell Ren about the wound, but he would see...

"We're not going to be here forever." Izaya muttered, making Cherry look up.

"What do you mean?" He whispered. Izaya couldn't tell him, not yet... Cherry wouldn't be able to keep it a secret.  
"I... we're going to get out of here, together."

"How?" Cherry asked and sat up. "You know we can't get out, Ren and his little guard dog will catch us. They'll kill us!" His eyes grew large, frightened.

"No he won't... they aren't going to catch us..."

– –

Shizuo and Shinra drove almost three hours, three horrid, silent hours to find the hellish place Izaya was stuck in.

It actually wasn't a bad place, the building was large, four, five stories, Shizuo could only hope those stories weren't full of children.

The blond stepped out of the car, staring up with cold eyes. "Just breath Shizuo." Shinra reminded him like the doctor he was.

"I am... nothing can prepare someone for this..."

"So just go... he doesn't know our faces, at least he doesn't know mine. You have to do this, Izaya's in there!"

The front door opened, showing a tall man, dark brown hair and eyes like the devil, then the man behind him that looked almost the same. The smaller smiled, extending his arms.

"Mr. Kiwashinma!" he said in delight, Shizuo smiled, bowing his head. He was to play this part of the rich, snobby bastard.

He didn't want to do this.

"Yes, Ren Kaido, I assume?" He said, his voice smooth and elegant, he was surprised at himself. "Mmmm, where is he?" Ren rose a brow.

Ren laughed, shaking his head. "You are quick." He chuckled, leading Shizuo in, he hardly gave Shinra a second glance. The underground doctor moved back into the car, giving Shizuo a nod...

"Come, Mr. Kiwashinma, you've picked one of our best, the infamous Orihara Izaya!" Shizuo rose a brow himself, biting his lower lip.

"It better be really him, you asked for a high price."  
"Oh it is Orihara-san... in the flesh, a little battered mind you but he'll be submissive."

Submissive?!

That... that wasn't Izaya... Shizuo fought back the urge to strangle the man there, but he couldn't kill him now... he didn't know where Izaya was.

The first floor was rather lovely, professional and designed in the old Japanese style, he was actually rather impressed. There was a front desk, a little girl working and clicking away on the computer. She didn't have a bruise on her body but her low, tight v-neck shirt showed off her breasts and budding womanhood, her booty shorts making her look much more like a woman than Shizuo guessed she was. There was a paw print tattoo on her right breast... it didn't look like it was done professionally.

"Tawny." Ren purred, leaning over the desk. The girl looked up and batted her false eyelashes with a smile. "Can you find me Mr. Kiwashinma's papers? He needs to fill them out before he can see our friend." Her eyes grew large... he was a client...

She nodded quickly, handing her master the papers. Shizuo filled them out, writing his fake name out and any other information needed before handing it back to Tawny.

Ren took the blond to the elevator, pressing floor four. The top floor. "You're a lucky man, sir... not many can afford our top... performer..." Was that his way of saying sex slave? His way to justify what he was doing and had done?

Shizuo was taken to a single room on the top floor, almost like a penthouse floor... He was given the key to the room and Ren bowed to him. "Enjoy your stay, Mr. Kiwashinma." He purred and walked back to the elevator.

Shizuo took a breath in, unlocking the door and opening it slowly.

But no one was inside.

– –

**I know it's short, I'm sorry!**

**I really hoped you liked this chapter! A bit of information about our little Cherry! **

**I love him XD**

**The next chapter is going to be a bit different than you'd expect hopefully.**

**Alright, thanks for reading!**

**Chapter five will be up soon!**


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter five!**

**Gah! I suck at action in writing, like... really... **

**Let's hope this is a little better than all the crap I've spit out before, I've rewritten this like a thousand times.**

**Anyway, I don't own Durarara, **

**Warnings: Violence, rape, gore, gayness**

**You know the drill...**

**Enjoy!**

– –

"_Such is the nature of evil. Out there in the vast ignorance of the world it festers and spreads. A shadow that grows in the dark. A sleepless malice as black as the oncoming wall of night. So it ever was. So will it always be. In time all foul things come forth."_

_ -Thranduil, Hobbit, Desolation of Smaug-_

– –

The blond starred in horror, he thought no one was in the room, or perhaps that the bastard Ren Kaido had figured him out and lead him into a trap...

Then he saw the small figure in the corner of the room.

The blond shut the door behind him, leaving it locked, this couldn't be him, this couldn't be the great and powerful Izaya Orihara...

No way in hell...

He slowly walked forward, expecting him to pop up, to laugh and say this was all a horrid elaborate joke...

or perhaps he would wake up, realize it was a cruel dream, that Izaya was dead...

This was some cruel dream!

Shizuo reached outward to the man curled up in that corner, trying to speak... what was he suppose to do?!

"Are you going to undress me or should I do it myself?" The hiss came from the raven, Shizuo gasped softly, eyes large with utter shock.

"I...I want you to stand up." The raven did as told slowly, defiantly. He stood tall, his crimson orbs full of life and hatred, but he didn't seem to even recognize who was staring back at him.

"Izaya..."

The raven looked up, meeting his eyes with a sharp glare. "Yeah, you know who I am... you paid for me after all, can we get this over with?"

He was... so different. The real Izaya would never allow himself to even be in this...

Well... at least the Izaya he knew, he didn't know the real Izaya. Shizuo was frozen in place, unable to speak.

Izaya groaned softly, pulling his tight v-neck shirt off, tossing it on the floor. "I said lets go." he muttered, Shizuo's eyes trailed down to his body, his bruised, cut, scarred body. Izaya didn't even seem to care! He didn't snap about being stared at, Shizuo's eyes raking over Izaya's booty short clad ass wondering... If his chest was like this... what was his ass like?

"Izaya... stop." Shizuo whispered, making the raven stop himself and look up.  
"Why?" He asked, nervous, Izaya was terrified, he was always terrified, if he didn't do what he was told, he would be punished or perhaps killed but clients wanted to fuck Orihara Izaya... he had to be snarky and sharp, really he wanted to crawl into a bathtub and die.

Shizuo reached forward, his hand shaking as he gently touched Izaya's cheek, his heart breaking as the raven flinched.

The last touch wasn't so gentle. "Izaya... what happened... to you... you just... you vanished."

That was when Izaya stopped breathing. "Izaya... I'm going to get you out." Shizuo promised, holding his face in his hands.

The slave pushed him away, shaking. "Shut up..." He whispered, "Just shut up!" Izaya cried, holding his hands over his ears. Shizuo pulled him close once more.

"No... this isn't a dream flea... I'm going to take you home."

"Stop it!" Izaya cried, "Just stop! I don't know you!"

Shizuo was frozen in horror, had Izaya truly forgotten him?

What had they done to him?

– –

Ren heard Izaya's cries, his pleas to stop and rage filled. He stormed upstairs, furious that Izaya dare tell a client what to do!

He heard his yells through the door and unlocked it with the master key. Izaya was cowering on the floor, tears rolling down his cheeks. He yanked the raven up, slapping him. "How dare you act like that! Fucking bitch! You know better by now!" He shouted, Shizuo was leaning against the wall, small crescent moon marks on his arms from where Izaya had gripped him...

He stared in pure shock, unable to move. Judo dashed up and helped Shizuo out of the room, promising him a 'more compliant whore free of charge.'

But Shizuo had never seen Izaya cry...

The door remained open as Judo tried to take Shizuo to another boy, Cherry stepping out of his room to see what was happening.

"Dumb slut doesn't know how to shut his mouth." Judo muttered. That was Shizuo's snapping point.

He growled, spinning around and slamming Judo into the wall, Cherry jumped back and cried out in terror. Shizuo smirked. "Don't you ever speak that way about him." He shouted, his hand gripping at Judo's throat. The man was choking! Izaya gasped, seeing the scene and Ren ran out, pulling his gun out.

"No!" Izaya screamed, he didn't know how important that blond man was... but only one person called him flea and made it sound right and that was him. He ran towards them, pulling the knife from his thigh high boots where it was stabbing into his leg. Cherry fell tot he ground, hiding his face to get away from the gun and Izaya pushed him away. Shizuo felt the barrel pressing against his skull...

"I knew someone as ugly as you couldn't be as rich as you said... you want to get my whores out?!" Ren growled, his finger on the trigger.

"I knew your face, I just couldn't place your god damn name." Ren shoved the barrel into his temple and for once in Shizuo's life... he worried he was going to die.

Judo fell silent, Shizuo forgot he was holding onto his throat, he let the man fall to the ground, his breath long gone. He quickly turned to pull Izaya away from Ren, to hold him close and save him...

Then Ren went quiet.

Izaya whimpered as he pulled the blade from Ren's stomach, Cherry, Shizuo and Ren himself starting down as blood began to flow from his back and stomach, "Y-You..." He whimpered, turning to look at his best whore. "Y-You... bitch..." The man's eyes almost rolled back into his head, his body crumbling to the ground as blood pooled around him. The knife fell from Izaya's hand and Shizuo took that chance.

"Izaya!" Shizuo shouted, pulling Izaya and the redhead away from the bodies, pulling the hysterical boys into his arms. "Breath, Izaya... breath!"

Izaya was terrified, he was shaking violently, seeing his kidnapper, his rapist and his once protector dying in front of him... and he did that.. it was his fault!

It was his freedom.

Cherry tangled their fingers together, his and Izaya's. "Iz..." He whispered, looking up at the man he took as his brother. "Izaya... we can go now, we can breath!" He laughed shakily.

Shizuo gasped as Izaya's knees buckled under him, the raven lost consciousness. "Izaya!" He cried, lifting the raven in a bridal style. Izaya was so thin, he always had been, he always had been light and thin however this was terribly worrisome for Shizuo, Izaya was still a grown man, he shouldn't weight like a child.

"Let's get out of here." Shizuo whispered, Cherry nodded.

This was their freedom.

– –

Shinra looked up as Shizuo walked forward, holding Izaya close. Cherry was behind them, fearful, he knew that slowly the other boys and girls in that horrid place would soon realize that no one was left to watch them, to harm them... they would either die or disburse in a matter of weeks.

"Shizuo!" Shinra called, seeing Izaya's limp form he dashed forward and helped him get Izaya in the car. He only stopped a moment to look, eyes large.

"This... This can't be..."

"It's him..." Shizuo whispered, caressing Izaya's cheek, he was so cold, his cheeks hollow and his eyes sunken in, his lips were soft, each wonderful curve in his body had been starved away and now the only curves came from tight skin around bone. "He didn't recognize me Shinra..."

The underground doctor helped Cherry get into the car, looking at him, the frail little redhead. He curled up in a ball in the back seat, Izaya passed out beside him. Shizuo didn't like the tightness of the backseat but this little kid refused to get up front and he wasn't going to let Izaya out of his arms.

Not now.

Not ever.

Shinra looked over to Cherry, staring at him for a brief second. "What's your name? Do you have a family?"

Cherry paused, biting his chapped lower lips. "Jin... Jin Haniko..." He whispered, nervous to speak out. 

Shinra nodded, "Alright Jin." He said sweetly, trying to stay calm... he was good at that, calming people down. Jin nodded and looked down.

They drove quickly away from the hellish place Izaya and Jin had called home for so long, Izaya needed medical care and quickly, they were both malnourished but Izaya was going into shock.

Wounds that were never treated were infected, bones that were broken never healed properly, memories that had been their life would never leave their minds...

Jin slowly turned, looking out the open window at the lights that slowly began to flicker out in the apartment complex, faded shapes of small bodies began to look out the window, surely one of them had discovered the rotting bodies, perhaps Tawny? She had to have heard the commotion.

"Jin... how many of you were there?" Shizuo asked softly, their voices quiet to keep Jin and Izaya from freaking out.  
"I don't know... I only ever saw a few, I heard more voices though." Jin whispered as he curled up beside Izaya. Shizuo watched the two, Izaya curling up around Jin protectively. Shinra saw it from the rear view mirror. Neither of them had seen Izaya like this, so weak and powerless however so loving to another human.

Stars passed the car, Shinra opened the sky roof and let Jin see the stars, his large blue eyes widened, it had been so long since he had properly seen the stars. "What do we do now?" He asked, making the blond look down.

"We live."

– –

Izaya was laid down in the hospital bed, a proper hospital... even Shinra couldn't do all that needed to be done, it was a twin room with Jin wide awake on the other side. The curtains were open all the time, as well as the windows, even when snow began to slowly fall.

Jin sighed as he slipped from his bed, the fluffy pajama pants Shinra had bought him to keep him warm were moving in his fingers, he needed something to rub, something to make him think and realize it was all going to be okay.

As days past, he saw more and more kids, kids his age, younger, kids Izaya's age... all with the scorched Paw Print on their bodies, it wasn't all in the same place, Izaya had it on the inside of his right thigh, Jin on his bicep... it was all about how you were moving when you were given it...

"S-Shizu..." Izaya whimpered as his eyes slowly twitched, he was waking up.

Jin moved to his side, taking his hand. "It's not him Izzy... It's me, it's Cherry.

He had learned that the big, blond man's name was Shizuo, he was going to protect them... the doctor man, Shinra, he would help Jin find his family again.

But Izaya would go home alone.

Crimson orbs slowly slid open, the raven moaning softly. He had never felt such pain... the pain of healing... "Izaya?" Jin whispered, looking at him.

Izaya half expected to wake up in his little bed, to be given to another client and beaten for dreaming of freedom... however a smile almost crossed his lips when he realized that this was no dream... this was real life.

"Jin..." He whispered, shaking slightly, Jin smiled, hugging him gently. "Jin... w-w-where... are..."

"We're at the hospital... Mr. Shizuo and Mr. Shinra took us here... Izaya... we're free..."

Izaya slowly sat up, his arms shaky, his ribs hurting. He looked at the bruises covering almost every inch of his pale skin. "F-Free..."

It was like living in a movie, the pain and hell was finally over... Izaya felt like he could breath.

But he knew the nightmares he would never be rid of.

– –

Shizuo brought of a plate of ootori up, knowing it was Izaya's favorite. He gently knocked on the door, it was late and snow was falling quickly outside but somehow... he knew Izaya would be awake.

He slid open the door, seeing the figure sitting up in the bed closest to the window. He smiled slightly and walked forward, the figure jumping and trying to protect himself.

"Izaya... it's alright... I brought food." He offered, showing him the bag from Russia Sushi.

The raven slowly looked up, the moonlight shining down on him beautifully. He smiled as he sat down beside the man, opening the bag and setting the tray in front of him. "You're not going to see him again... I promise." Shizuo whispered, taking his hands.

Izaya saw the food, nervous to take it... if this was a trick...

The blond took his chopsticks and offered him the fatty tuna, a smile on his lips. "Eat..." The deep voice commanded lovingly. "It's all for you... I brought some for Jin when he wakes up too." He motioned to the sleeping redhead.

"Thank you..." Izaya whispered, Shizuo sighed, this wasn't the Izaya he remembered, this was a quiet, shy, scared little kid...

And the scary part was that he didn't know if he liked it or not...

– –

**So, I know these aren't terribly long but at least it's over 2 thousand words and I just kind of wanted to end this chapter here.**

**In Are You Really Gone?- the story ended after Ren was killed however I really want to go into what happens next, what happens between Shizuo and Izaya, how Jin (Cherry) finds his family and what happens to him and how Izaya is pieced together again.**

**I'm actually kind of proud, two updates in less than a week!**

**Alright, chapter six will be up soon, leave comments, hate and suggestions in the reviews, and I shall get to writing!**

**Thanks!**


	6. Important Message

_This is a little note to all my readers_

– –

_Hi, I have been reading some comments not even an hour after posting the previous chapter of The Stars That Pass, as well as reading some DM's I have been sent._

_I have realized that many of you aren't too happy with the way I ended Ren Kaido, I suppose I didn't explain my ideas for this well enough as I had originally thought._

_This is a rewrite of Are You Really Gone? A story in which the entire plot it about finding Izaya and saving him from Ren Kaido, however I wrote that story some time ago and after rereading it I found I was unhappy with the way it was written (poorly on my part as we all know) and I didn't exactly like the plot I had written, so I wrote Stars That Pass..._

_The Stars That Pass is a similar story, a rewrite, not entirely about the same thing. In this, I had fully planned on ending Ren Kaido's life quickly and simply, he was never going to be a large portion of this (in person, however he is still majorly important) and by ending him quickly, I found I was able to continue with the plot I really wanted to go with, since it is not a spoiler alert, it has already been said by me in the previous chapter, this story is not only about saving Izaya, but what happens after the fact._

_This is more so a story of Shizuo and Izaya's romance, Shizuo trying to restore the Izaya once known and loved and Izaya coming to terms with his own humanity, a story of PTSD almost as well as this is a story about Cherry, or as he is now known as Jin Haniko, his life, his world and how he continues after his life in Ren's world._

_I am deeply sorry to the people who I've angered and annoyed with this horrible story and I'm sorry I may not be the best author, though I wish it was, writing is clearly not my talent, I am a special fx makeup artist and that is my best talent._

_I attempted to explain this to people but I found that by doing so to everyone who has said something, DM'd me or reviewed, I feel the need to say this publically. _

_Thank you, I will get chapter six up as soon as I can if anyone is still interested. _

– –

_\- Clockwork Night-_


	7. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six!**

**I know the last five chapters probably have been quick, but I actually don't want Ren and his death to be the true climax of this story!**

**I do not own Durarara or characters evolved!**

**Warnings: self harm, mentioned rape, gayness**

**I am sorry but Izaya is a bit OOC, after all he is suffering serious PTSD and depression.**

**Enjoy!**

– –

"_That was the trick- to keep punching, no matter what."_

_\- Deryn Sharp, The Leviathan Trilogy-_

– –

The raven hared male stayed quiet as the world moved around him, he didn't know what there was to say. He felt Shizuo move to sit next to him with a plate of food he really didn't feel like eating, he didn't understand his true... lack of interest, seeing humans passing him by out the window of his hospital room no longer amused him or fascinated him, his laptop and the secrets that could be found on it no longer made him giddy...

He had no interest in any of it.

Shinra often came in and did check ups on him, pleased Izaya was healing well physically, his bones were being forced back into their proper places and it seemed to be working. He could not feel the pain in his ribs anymore, he couldn't taste the disgusting iron of blood in his mouth and for once in years he felt like he was going to live.

"You have to eat..." Shizuo said quietly, pushing the food Celty and Jin had picked up, Izaya for a moment just stared. "Flea, come on.. eat something." Shizuo grumbled, almost glaring the raven down.

"Not hungry..." He said softly, looking towards the window. Shizuo didn't understand, they had saved Izaya, his captors were killed and Jin was safe with him!

How could he be this upset?

"You have to eat." The blond reprimanded, standing up. He needed a cigarette before continuing on with this little thing Izaya was trying to pull. He strode to the door, annoyed. "It better be all gone when I get back flea... we can't have you dying." With that he slammed the door shut and stormed out.

Izaya only sighed, pushing his shaky hand through his hair. He took the plate of food and set it by the window where Shizuo wouldn't think to see it, Shinra would, but he could deal with Shinra later.

No matter how hard he tried, the nightmares only returned, he woke up every night covered in cold sweat and the image of a man... it was hell...

He stood up and got out of his hospital bed, yanking away the wires that connected him to machines he didn't know the names of, nor did he really care about what they were called. He looked out the window a moment, watching the snow fall down quickly.

He hadn't thought he would make it this far.

After pulling on the black shirt and black slacks Shinra had brought him, he opened the door to the hallway, ignoring the sick and dying, ignoring everything save for the voices in his head. He pushed past nurses wheeling older patients in and out, seeing the rooms where boys and girls younger than he stayed, getting the help they needed from the torture they all endured... the ones that lived anyway.

Izaya never believed he would make it through, he didn't think he would have a life after Ren Kaido, the evil man that pulled him into his grasp just as he had so many others...

Izaya had been a bit different however, he had been harder to lure in.

He needed to breath, he couldn't breath in this place! He knew the staff was far too busy to notice him walk out of the hospital on his own, then again he looked a bit more like himself with his clothes on.

The cold pushed past him, freezing him to the bone, he had never liked the cold as much as the warmth. He was so small that the air froze him to the very core... especially now more than before. He wrapped his arms around his chest, shaking as he pushed on.

He had been only 17 when Ren Kaido came into his life, a student... he wasn't as closed off as he grew to be... The brunette man had offered him a life he couldn't resist, a life of power, money, security for not only himself but his family... his sisters would be safe.

He had not had the best life when he was young, his mother's death caused havoc and grief in the Orihara household and while his father tried everything he could to protect his children... it was often left to Izaya to care for the children...

So the promise of protection was something he couldn't pass.

At first it had been easy, he was the Kaido's little errand boy, he was the cute little boy that they used to do their bidding. He talked to clients, sat in on negotiations, he was the persuading factor.

Then it had gotten worse... the clients began to touch and feel Izaya, to caress his smooth skin and even offer money for a night with him!

It disgusted Izaya in every fiber of his being, he looked to Ren and Judo to stop such treatment... it was money... money Izaya was promised would go to his family which included the money he made working for Shiki-san...

How could he say no?

After a few years he grew to no longer care, the touches, the sex, the words meant little to him. He grew bored of the games they made him play, sick of the outfits they pushed him in and ripped off of his skin... after four years of the treatment... he grew numb. He was pushed to resist, to act as if the true Orihara Izaya would act...

It was a show, the bed a stage he was forced to dance on for the amusement of paying sleaze bags.

The raven stared up at the gray sky, shaking due to cold. "Why are you sitting alone?'

He looked up at the voice, seeing Shiki-san, he rose a brow. "Why are you here?" He asked, his thin fram turning to stare at him.

"It may seen strange, Orihara-san... but I did worry about you..." He said quietly and shoved his hands into his pockets. Shiki was a strange figure, he used Izaya for money as well, information however, their relationship never grew sexual... but he was almost like a father figure, an older brother... just as Izaya was to Jin.

"How do you feel?" Shiki questioned, watching his once informant.

"Like the world is no longer real..." Shiki sighed, he could see every difference in him, he was thin, his tight shirt was now loose on him, the bruises and bitemarks, the wounds that would never heal...

"Have you eaten today?" Sharp crimson eyes turned to glare, he didn't want to hear about his eating habits any longer!

"I'm not hungr-"

"I doubt that Izaya..." Shiki said softly... he had never heard the gang man speak so sweetly since the day they meet. "Let me treat you to some dinner."

Izaya took in a small breath, shaking his head. "If you plan on bringing it to me, then I won't mind sharing a meal with you." Shiki let out a laugh.  
"You know what Izaya... I'll take you up on that."

While Shizuo checked up with Tom, Izaya shared a meal with his old boss... perhaps his new friend.

And for once Izaya thought he would make it...

– –

"Izaya's not much up for company lately, is he?" Jin asked, he, Shizuo and Celty sat together in the cafeteria of the hospital, Izaya was able to get out in a few days time, they had been working hard on getting him a house, a nice little place to stay until Shinra could decide what would be best for him.

Just for his own protection, Shizuo would be staying there with him.

"We'll get him back to how he used to be... It'll just take a while." Hin assured him, the little redhead placing a hand on the man's bicep. "I'm sure it won't take that long."

Shizuo wasn't sure, he didn't understand... there was something about this new Izaya that made him almost smile. He was quiet, he was shy, and most of all, he wasn't Izaya... perhaps he was a sick man, a cruel man... however Izaya was so... soft... so different...

"Shizuo?" Jin asked, cocking his head. "I heard him dream about you..." He said softly. "I heard your name when I slept in his room... when they were... doing their thing... I heard your name... what happened between you two? Were you all.. like... lovers or something?"

Shizuo let out a short laugh. "Ha... me and Izaya? Lovers... no... no we tore up the town Jin..." Celty shook her head, as if the headless rider was laughing herself.

"Wait... you two were..." Jin stared with wide eyes, "You two... you were the ones who tore up the street signs?" He laughed, taking a bite of sushi.

"Yeah... that was us..."

That was the old them... the new Shizuo... he... he wanted to protect the very man he swore he would kill, the very man who's blood he once wanted splattered across the walls.

"And now?" Jin asked softly, crossing his legs and biting his lower lip. He never knew that much about Izaya, he didn't know about his life or past... he simply knew the Izaya that was strong, that had sex for money and tried to fight his fate.

"Now... I don't even know Jin... I have no idea."

– –

The day Izaya was taken from the hospital was a day Jin tried to help him celebrate, he got a cake, a vanilla cake with a little 'Hello Kitty' icing piece. On top in red letting was the words.. 'Welcome Home Izaya!'

The raven tried to smile but he knew that it looked fake, he tried for Shizuo and Jin's sake, they had done nothing but sacrifice for him... he had to try to seem happy even though the world was crashing around him. He had trouble walking, had trouble making his way up the stairs to his small, new apartment, he didn't really remember the size of his last home in Shinjuku, details like that were the first to go during his captivity.

"Come on Izaya! We got you some of that fatty tuna you like so much!" Jin called as Shizuo helped him limp into the apartment, the blond's arm wrapped firmly around his hips, each step sending a wave of fear and pain down his sides and legs. "I'll get you a plate!' The redhead giggled and ran into the house, his family still hadn't been found, they were looking and Shinra believed he could get more information if Jin would go to the police... but he was scared to, the police never did him good, they weren't the ones who saved him.

Izaya made a small noise of protest on each step, his movements slow, pained. "It's alright... I've got you." Shizuo whispered, holding him carefully but tightly. "Nothing's going to get you now..."

Izaya looked up, he had little reason to trust his former enemy however now... all his trust was placed in the man now, Shizuo was his only protection.

"You can't promise that." He whispered, "How can I know that?"

"Because, regardless of what that guy did to you Izaya... I'm here now..."

And Izaya had no choice but to trust him.

Jin gave him a slice of cake and fatty tuna, a smile plastered to his face as he watched Izaya poked at the food, eating a bit and taking his slender finger to scoop up the icing. "That big man, the Russia Sushi man, he said it was your favorite." He said softly. Shizuo helped Izaya sit down, rubbing his back.  
"It is... he loves it." He smiled, looking at Izaya. "It's alright flea... try to eat."

All Izaya could taste in his stomach was cum... he had done nothing for years but have sex, suck men off... pleasure anyone who paid for him... he had been forced to eat very little, food often laced with drugs to make him more willing and submissive until finally he did it himself...

Eating real food was hard.

"Shinra said he had a lead for us." Jin said with a smile. "He said he may have found my older brother."

"Thats wonderful Jin!" Izaya smiled, he tried so hard to be happy for Jin, little Jin needed all the happiness in the world, he didn't do a thing to deserve what had been done to him... Izaya was a cruel man, he had ended lives, he had ruined them as well... Jin never did a thing.

"He said it'll take a few days to get a hold of him, but then I can see him again!" Jin ate a bite of cake with a smile. Izaya struggled to smile but he did, he smiled and laughed slightly.

"That's awesome Jin!" Shizuo filled in, he could see Izaya's pain, Izaya's struggle... this was PTSD.

Jin didn't seem to understand the extent of it, he knew pain just as Izaya did however Jin was an optimist... he could handle the pain better than Izaya seemed to be able to...

Shizuo and Jin pushed him to eat what he could, knowing it was hard for him to swallow or stomach the food but when Izaya jumped up and ran, as best he possible could, to the bathroom to puke it all up, Shizuo sighed in defeat.

"Don't give up yet Shizuo... He's just having a hard time." Jin tried, covering the rest of the cake up, he had make a plate of Gyoza for the three but it seemed that Izaya wasn't going to be able to eat a thing. He covered that up as well, shivering at the sounds of the poor raven puking.

The bl0nd brute pushed out of the chair and knelt beside him in the bathroom, rubbing his back as he ignored the smell of bile. "G-Go away..." Izaya moaned as Shizuo held back his hair.  
"I'm not leaving." Shizuo said softly, so soft that Izaya hardly believed it came from Shizuo.

"I-I-I said I'm fine!" Izaya argued, he didn't want pity! He wanted to be left alone.

Left alone to die.

"And I'm saying that my ass is still here, and you're going to get over it flea... so shut up and let me help." Izaya flinched, gagging before he flushed the disgusting vomit down the drain and forced himself up to brush his teeth and wash his mouth.

"How about... a nice hot bath?" Shizuo asked, hoping Jin could understand why they couldn't sit with him now.

Izaya wanted to argue but every fiber in his body protested him even moving so he simply nodded, shaking as Shizuo smiled and lifted him up, slowly stripping him of his dark clothing, Izaya didn't seem to even notice.

Shizuo sighed softly, he supposed after almost five years of being undressed, once more wouldn't bother him. He turned on the hot water, struggling for a moment to figure out how it worked in the new bathroom. He set Izaya to his feet and made to leave.

"Wait..." Izaya whispered, making the blond pause.

"What is it?" He rose a brow and turned, trying to stay as quiet and docile as possible.

The raven stopped and looked down, as if embarrassed by his own request. "Stay... please..."

Shizuo gave a small smile and walked forward, nodding. "I'll stay."

– –

He slowly stripped his clothes off, trying to not make any sudden movements, he knew Izaya hated sudden movements. He placed his white shirt and jeans down on the closed toilet, he offered the nervous raven a smile, trying to calm him. He stepped forward and Izaya took a step back, still fearful. "I've got you... I'm not going to hurt you." Shizuo whispered, begging him to listen. He sat down in the tub of steaming water, Izaya said he liked water that hot.

"You can trust me Izaya." Shizuo said, offering his hand.

Moments passed and Izaya stared at the offered appendage when slowly... he reached out... and took the hand. Shizuo's heart beat faster. Izaya moved into the water with help, he wasn't good at stepping over things at the moment and Shizuo smiled as the smaller man moved into his arms, using Shizuo as a protector.

"Promise?" Izaya whispered shakily, his body cold, shaking and scared.

Shizuo sighed happily as the two sank into the waters,

"I promise."

– –

**Whoo! New chapter is done! I'm sorry for the little rant I went on the other day, just some things that needed to be said however I'll probably delete that chapter sooner or later, it's whatever. **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I wanted to show a little more about the 'new' Izaya and how Shizuo's trying to cope. **

**Alright, next chapter will be out one of these days...**

**Questions, comments, reviews, you know where they go!  
Bye!**


	8. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven!**

**Wow... I'm still surprised at how much love you all give me for this story!**

**It makes me happy, **

**Warnings: Suicidal tendencies, homosexualness (Is that really a bad thing XD), mentioned rape, PTSD, depression and self harm.**

– **Update- I am so sorry for this being so late!**

**I hope you enjoy!**

– –

_I'm not giving up on you..._

_\- Tadashi Hamada, Big Hero 6-_

– –

Shizuo groaned as Izaya once again refused to go outside, he crossed his arms, watching the raven try again and again to make up excuses.  
"Flea. The sun is shining bright, not a cloud in the sky, there are people everywhere... why won't you go outside?"

"People everywhere..." Izaya muttered, pushing away the offer of his fur trimmed jacket.

Yeah, don't you want to see them?" Shizuo sighed. Izaya whimpered and shook his head.

"T-they'll know..." Shizuo bent down, trying to get the raven to stand but with no luck.

"Izaya... they won't know-"  
"They will!" Izaya shouted, he wrapped his arms around himself, slightly rocking back and forth. "T-they'll see... e-everything..."

Shizuo groaned once more, running a tired hand through his bleached blond hair. "You should know, humans are stupid remember? They won't see anything except that you came back." He smiled as helped Izaya to his feet. The bruises had been healing nicely and while the cuts were still coming along, it was Izaya's mental health that was the worst. He couldn't do anything alone... Shizuo had to bathe with him, Jin had to help him eat and Shinra had to give Izaya his medicine, Izaya wouldn't do it himself...

Izaya wasn't himself anymore.

"Look, Iz... no one will even notice, we can put you in different clothes if you want, no one will have to recognize you..." He whispered, holding a hand to Izaya's face gently but he didn't try to take it to heart when Izaya flinched back away from him. "I promise... no one will... just come with me."

His smile grew a thousand times when the ravenette stood with him.

"Everyone will see me, Shizuo..." He whimpered, the blond looked down and sighed. "T-they'll see what happened..."

"No they won't... just stay with me... if anyone tries to touch you... I'll be right beside you."

He took Izaya back into his room, looking through black clothes and darkness until he found something nice...

White.

White skinny jeans, a white button up shirt, a tan vest... it was so... unIzaya that no one would know... He helped Izaya get undressed, gently, slowly, no sudden movements.

Shizuo couldn't stand it...

The way he flinched back from nearly every touch, the way he looked so broken when he was undressed and how relieved he was when clothes were back on his beautiful little body.

Beautiful...

Oh yes, Izaya was beautiful, Shizuo had come to terms with that so many years before. His icy pale skin, his lean and thin body, and those deep crimson eyes framed by hair black as night... he was beautiful... and Shizuo couldn't help but stare.

Izaya slipped the vest on, whimpering when it was a tad tight on his chest. His eyes trailed up to Shizuo, waiting for him to respond. "I-I'm ready Shizuo..." he whispered nervously, trying to breath, to tell himself it was alright... it was all alright. He smiled just a bit when his care taker nodded.

"It's alright flea, just... stay by me..." he wasn't good at the whole... protecting thing, he was so new at this, after all... just a few years before he was trying to murder Izaya. Now he wanted to protect him at all costs.

He took Izaya's hand gently, a smile on his lips. They slowly walked outside, Izaya's eyes huge as he took in the world for the first time in so long.

– –

Of course even the clothes didn't stop the people from stopping, staring and talking, whispers of 'Izaya...'

'It can't be...'

'I thought he was dead...'

'Should have been dead...'

Izaya wanted to cry, he clenched tightly onto Shizuo's hand, the blond looked over at him. "Breath..." He carefully reminded him, giving him a loving smile, of course they were talking about the couple, wondering if they were dating, If they were finally together.

Izaya hated this...

Shizuo took him up to a sushi place, not Simon's, Izaya couldn't handle conversation... He couldn't handle a lot now, that slightly worried Shizuo. He would jump at every sudden noise or any quick movements. Shizuo thought for a while he was doing his life in slow motion just so Izaya wouldn't scream or hit.

He bought the raven Nigiri, hoping he would at least eat that, he didn't want to...

Shizuo pushed into the seat, the same side of the booth as Izaya. He took the chopsticks and held the Nigiri to Izaya's lips, pleading silently. "I-I..."  
"Flea? Please..." Shizuo whispered, holding his hand under the table. Izaya liked to be touched, to be held. Shinra found it strange, he would think the informant would be repulsed by touch however it wouldn't be the first nor last time he was wrong.

"Why won't you eat dammit!" Shizuo growled, getting fed up even though he was suppose to be helping, his temper was boiling over once again.

"Stop yelling!" Izaya whimpered, pushing back against the seat in the private room, Izaya refused to go to a public place, to many people watching him all at once.

Shizuo sighed, trying to breath and calm down enough to not scare Izaya more than he probably already had.

He put his hand over the raven's, "I'm sorry... Iz... I just... I need you to eat..." He egged the boy on, "I know you're hurting, I know you're scared but he's not coming back for you..." He whispered, turning the raven's head to face him. Izaya tried to struggle and look away but Shizuo wouldn't have it. "Izaya." He growled. "Ren Kaido is dead." He tried not to notice the visible flinch at the very mentiom of the dead's name.

"Not in my mind."

– –

Jin let out a yawn as he curled up in the warm water of the tub, trying to calm his nerves. He knew Izaya was having a hard time, they both were... Jin just hid it a thousand times easier.

He sighed softly, the water coming up to his nose so at least he could breath a bit, the hot water was scalding his pale skin.

He was hurting too...

He knew Shizuo and Shinra weren't as worried for him, he would eat, he would smile and act like a normal, sane human while the raven was loosing it slowly, but Jin was hurting too... he had gone through the same thing as Izaya, just for a shorter time...

But he was hurting...

He looked at the scars on his thighs, some old, some not a day old. It was his dirty secret, it was his escape.

He took a deep breath in, tired of being the strong one, tired of having to smile so Izaya could get better when he really just wanted to cry. He was tired of it all...

He took the blade in his hand, staring at it as if it were a snake come to bite him or the meaning or life. Jin just wanted someone to hold him, to tell him to would all be alright... and yet he was alone in the world once again...

Shinra hadn't had a bit of luck in finding his family, Izaya was too out of his mind to try and help and Shizuo was too concerned with Izaya to do much more than push him forward.

He just wanted someone to love him too.

The blade drug across his pale skin, his heart beating faster as blood dripped down his thigh. He no longer felt the sting of the cut or the pain that was suppose to come after, he only felt the guilt of existence.

He heard Shizuo speaking quietly across the hall, going inside Izaya's apartment across from his own. They wanted the two on the same floor but in separate housing... to get them independent again. He heard the door close and sighed inwardly, Izaya would always have Shizuo by his side while Jin wouldn't have anyone...

It hurt more than it should.

So he watched the blood drip down and contemplated his own life and death, wondering what he was still fighting for...

– –

Six Months

– –

He was getting better, Shizuo swore by it, he could see Izaya smiling more, or at least trying to, he ate a bit more, and he even spoke to people they once knew.

Shizuo was proud of him, needless to say.

He knew Izaya still had nightmares, still crawled to the bathroom in the cover of night to throw up and cry, even if he tried to do it in secret, Shizuo would kneel beside him, kiss his hair and tell him that it was going to be alright.

And he hoped it would.

The blond was sitting alone on a street bench, a cigarette in hand, Shinra had taken both Izaya and Jin to a cafe for lunch, wanting to treat the two boys and give Shizuo a moment to his own thoughts. He took a long drag of the cigarette, seeing couples together every way he looked.

It pissed him off.

He knew very well he was in love with the very man he once claimed to hate beyond control, but he could do nothing about it. Izaya was terrified of romance or sexual touches.

The cigarette crushed between his strong fingers, the ash falling to the ground. He looked down, sighing as he realized he broke his last cigarette. Shinra was trying so hard to get him to stop smoking.

He pushed himself up, pushing past the crowds of people in Ikebukuro. He wanted to meet the trio at the cafe until his ears pricked to the sound of men talking.

"He's a whore and you know it." The male sneered, the other one laughing, taking a long breath of nicotine filled air.

"Shaddup, you're just jealous you don't give any ass from that bitch of a wife you got."

Shizuo growled low, narrowing his eyes. He couldn't stop his anger from boiling over.

The man gasped in pain, clawing desperately at Shizuo's hand that slammed him to the wall. "L-Let me go man!" He begged for his own miserable life. The strong man growled, throwing him to the ground and perhaps breaking a shoulder, he didn't care.

"Don't you ever fucking call someone that!" He yelled, unable to control the rage he felt for that one word...

Whore...

His fist flew down, slamming into the man's face, breaking his nose, he didn't know, he couldn't stop. The other male tried to pull his friend up, blood dripping down his face. "Get away!" The man yelled, "Monster! You could have killed him!"

He didn't know what stopped him from killing them both there, it wasn't like he hadn't taken lives already... they just... they called an innocent person a whore... so many innocent people labeled as whores...

It drove him to madness.

He slowly backed away, the words echoing in his brain, whore, monster, bitch...

jealous...

He forced himself out of that ally, the man left to get his injured friend to the hospital, a broken nose and arm.

He didn't know what had possessed him to do such a thing, the blond was breathing heavily, as if he hadn't lived in so long... and in a way he had not. He hadn't been using his strength since Izaya's return that he almost forgot he had it...

He had forgotten the monster inside.

He needed a drink.

The blond pushed into a bar to get a shot, his mind completely blank as he pushed the alcohol back. To some the man was a monster, insanely strong but to Izaya and Jin he was their protector, yet he had almost killed an innocent man because he spoke...

Shizuo tossed back another drink, taking a deep breath.

Izaya looked up to him, Izaya looked to Shizuo for protection and love, he looked to Shizuo as a friend and perhaps someday, even a lover...

But Shizuo wasn't safe... he could get mad at any moment, snap and attack Izaya!

The bartender saw the blond male and rose a brow, "Okay buddy, you've had enough." He said sternly, trying to take the glass out of Shizuo's hand, that was Saki and it was heavy stuff.

"I-I'm fine!" Shizuo barked, the brunette sighed, shaking his head.

"You need to stop, come on." Yukai grumbled, he hated dealing with men like these. "You don't have to go home but you got to leave." 

"Leave me alone!" Shizuo growled, he didn't want to stop...

He just wanted to be good for Izaya. He just wanted to see that little raven smile again and it be because of Shizuo, but he couldn't even hold back his anger to a stranger, who was to say Izaya, the man he once hated with every fiber of his being, was safe?

And Jin, little Jin... He knew that kid needed his love as well, however he needed it in a different way, he needed a brother, a father to hold him and let him cry... he needed someone to hold onto and cry the pain away. The blond felt tears dripping down his cheeks, not even knowing he had begun to cry.

"Okay buddy... you need to take a breather." Yukai gave him a glass of water, watching the man cry, he figured he had just gone through a bad breakup or something. "There's a cot in the back, you can use it if you want." It was moreso for him when he was too tired to go home, but Shizuo needed to use it more than Yukai.

"No...I-I-I'm fine... 'Z-Zaya needs me..." He stuttered, "'Zaya needs me..." Yukai sighed and nodded.

"Okay kiddo... go home to Zaya..." He didn't know who this man was or who 'Zaya was... but he figured that was the reason he was crying.

Shizuo forced himself up, drunk, he stumbled out of the bar, throwing up in the grass. Yukai just hopped he wasn't driving but Shizuo was out of his hands now.

– –

Izaya knew what people thought of him. He knew Shizuo and Shinra found him weak, they worried about him every second of everyday. He tried to show them he was strong but he was terrified. Every noise made him jump and every raised voice hurt his heart.

He curled up on the couch, looking out the window and fingering the fur on his fur lined jacket. Shinra told him not to wear it too much, the apartment that Izaya and Shizuo lived in was always kept warm for him, however he was always freezing... he felt the chill in his bones.

He knew Ren was dead, he knew the man couldn't hurt him or Jin again, however he still was fearful... he wanted to keep them safe again...

He looked at the night sky, wondering where Shizuo ran off to, perhaps he got bored with Izaya and ran away. He sighed softly, taking a bite of popcorn. He felt comfortable eating when no one was around to smile and tell him good job...

Izaya knew who he once was and he knew who he was now, he knew that no one believed he would truly make it again as a human, as Izaya Orihara...

He planned on proving them wrong.

– –

**I hope you enjoyed chapter seven!**

**I know chapters are short, however I feel like they are any longer, it'll drag on...**

**Anyway, so, now Izaya has a say about what's going on, we'll get more from him next chapter!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	9. Chapter Eight

**I hope you enjoyed chapter seven, so here's chapter eight!**

**I would like everyone to know that at this point, one half will be getting better while the other will be getting worse, after all, this is a story about PTSD and depression.**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this, each new chapter posted brings me worry, I always wonder if anyone will like where I'm going.**

**Anyway, Enjoy!**

**Warnings: Gayness, suicidal mention, self harm, mentions of rape and abuse.**

**I do not own Durarara or it's characters, but I do own this plot.**

– –

"_I devote my entire being to you, my lord, until the day lies become truth."_

– _Sebastian Mechaelies- Black Butler-_

– –

Jin couldn't breath.

He couldn't even try to.

Blood dripped down his wrists as he watched, the thick droplets falling into the sick that he was hunched over. He never thought his life would end like this... he always thought he was stronger.

He was so very wrong.

Tears poured from his eyes as he tried to bleed out, wanting this horrible life to all end. No one knew what he was going through, no one cared!

All they cared about was Izaya.

He let out a choked cry as he tried to die, slumping to the ground.

His story was one no one cared to listen to, no one cared what happened to him.

He had been raped too, he had been beaten near death and starved too. He had survived too, but his happy little smiles and attitude lead the people caring for them both to believe he was just fine.

So he let the blood flow, watching it all pour away.

He always believed the world was done with him, the people passing him by and laughing at his pain. He couldn't bring himself to believe that anyone could truly care about him.

So he stopped caring as well.

"Jin?!"

The cherry red head looked up, hearing someone call his name. He quickly wrapped his bleeding wrists in a towel, trying to breath again.

"Jin? You okay in there?" Shinra called.

He sighed shakily, using the wall to help him stand. "Yeah! I-I'll be out in a minute!"

Shinra had his ear to the door, trying to hear if the male was in any pain or ill. "Okay..." He said warily. "Don't stay in there too long... I have a surprise for you!"

Jin rose a brow, what surprise could they have for him? Were they going to give him what he truly wanted? Death?

He wrapped his wounds with ACE bandage, pushing the sleeves of his purple hoody over them to hide them as best he could, he just hoped no one would notice.

He unlocked and opened the door, seeing the smiling brunette standing before him. "What surprise?" Jin asked cautiously, worried they would go overboard for someone as unimportant as he was.

"You've got to close your eyes first!" Shinra laughed, he maneuvered behind the boy and Jin was embarrassed to say that he tensed up at the movement. It had been almost six months... he shouldn't be so jumpy!

Shinra put his large hands over Jin's eyes, blinding the smaller boy. The doctor lead him to the living room though Jin didn't know that. He stumbled over the rug, gasping as Shinra held him up.

"It's alright, just breath." Shinra reminded him, he didn't understand why the two were so shaky but he completely saw why... they had gone through so much.

When he took his hands away, the cry of "Happy Birthday!" Filled his ears. Jin's eyes grew wide and he smiled. He had forgotten it was his birthday.

"Y-You did all this..." He whispered, looking at the floating purple balloons, his favorite colour... the purple and green cake, the presents from the group. Celty, Shinra, Shizuo, Izaya... they did this all for him...

"It was Izaya's idea." Shinra smiled at the raven haired male who sat near the cake, a smile on his pale lips. "He thought you might want something for you for a change."

Jin blushed, looking down. "Thank you... I-I can't..." He wanted to cry, no one had done something like this for him before!

"Don't cry now." Izaya said as he stood, walking forward and wrapping the smaller in a hug, smiling. This was his happiness now, seeing Jin's face light up like a child on Christmas day. "Come on Jin, we can't let the icing melt." He lead the boy to the 'birthday boy' seat, watching proudly as Jin blew out the candles, the others singing happy birthday badly and loud enough for Jin to laugh a bit more.

Izaya noticed the cuts, he noticed the sadness in Jin's beautiful eyes, he wanted nothing more than to see him smile once more. That was why he threw the party, he knew Jin forgot his own birthday... so he wanted Jin to be happy once more. He never had cared so much about a singular person other than Shizuo... he would do anything for that boy.

Jin took a slice of cake Izaya made and smiled at the raven, Izaya moving into the shadows. "I can't believe you did all this for me." Jin said quietly, taking a small bite. He didn't see Izaya slipping out to get his present.

"Because we care about you." Shizuo said softly, sitting beside him. "Because, you deserve to smile too."

Jin never had someone care so much about him before. He pushed back tears in his eyes and smiled, nodding. "T-Thank you then." Celty reached over and hugged him kindly. "T-this means so much to me."  
He opened his presents happily, getting clothes, movies he liked and a new blanket that heated, he always said how cold he was. He then noticed Izaya's absence. He looked around in worry. "Where's Iz?" He asked.

Shinra smiled at the young boy, "He's coming, he's got a present for you..." Jin was confused, what could it be that wasn't already there? They had already done so much for him...

The door opened and a tall man stood in the door way, dark hair with a reddened tint, black eyes hidden behind glasses. Jin stopped a moment, his eyes growing large.

Izaya moved beside him, "It's not fair for me to be with my family when you haven't seen yours in so long... so we found Kyoya..."

Jin stood shakily, the male named Kyoya had the happiest of smiles on his lips as he strode forward taking Jin into his strong arms. Celty cocked her head before Shinra whispered, "His brother." Into her ear. The headless woman simply nodded, watching the display of pure affection.

"I-I was terrified..." the dark haired male whispered, holding his brother close to his chest, never wanting to let go for as long as he should live. Izaya moved away from the two and Shizuo could only stare at the raven...

When they were normal, when everything was normal... just years before, he would never have believed Izaya would do such a thing for someone else, and for no personal gain... but now he knew the raven better than he ever had before, he knew his heart. He pulled Izaya close, kissing his head, smelling his hair and smiling.

"I'm so happy you're alive." Kyoya held him close, taking in everything that happened, he hadn't believed it when he got a call from the well-known informant, telling him his only brother, his beloved brother, was still alive. He thought it was some cruel joke, Orihara Izaya was known for playing them, however the raven man had opened his heart to Kyoya, explained what happened... and Kyoya came...

He was glad he did.

Shirna got the two to sit back down, smiling at the brothers who couldn't keep their eyes from one another. "You look so much older." Kyoya whispered, kissing his head. "I... I can't believe it... you're alive! You're alive..." He sighed happily, he knew their parents would be beyond happy that their little Jin had finally come home after those long, horrific years...

The underground doctor passed them all a slice of cake, Jin sitting close to his elder brother, talking quietly of the world and yet nothing at all, Kyoya didn't care if Jin didn't speak of anything of importance, he would let Jin talk about anything just to hear his voice and realize that the boy was alive once more.

– –

That night Jin lay in bed in his apartment, he was too tired to go back to his parents for the moment and Kyoya would stay in the apartment with him for the next few nights. He stood before Shizuo and Izaya, the raven and the blonde sitting close to once another, Shizuo's arm slung around Izaya from behind.

"I didn't think you would do something like this, Orihara-san... from what I've heard about you... you never do anything for free... what cost will this be? I'll pay anything in the world..."

Izaya laughed softly and Shizuo nearly gasped, Izaya hardly laughed anymore. "No..." He said softly, staring up at the man. "I would never ask you to pay more than you have..." Kyoya looked confused, cocking his head in wonder to what Izaya meant, he hadn't paid a thing.

"You spent years away from Jin and now you have him back, that's a gift. I refuse to make you pay for something that never should have been taken from you."

Shizuo was surprised, he knew Izaya had changed more than anyone could ever think... but Izaya actually made him proud.

The raven was on the verge of sleep, the party exhausting him. He said his goodnight, stalking off to his room, he could deal with the mess come morning. Kyoya's eyes followed him each step.

"That can't be him..." He finally said softly, making the blonde look up.  
"What do you mean?" He asked, biting his lower lip to suppress the urge for a cigarette between his lips.

"I mean... I've heard of Orihara Izaya, how cruel he was, how he thought of himself as a god... what happened?" He knew a bit of what happened, Izaya didn't say anything about himself during their phone call...

"He realized that he's human." Shizuo whispered.

Izaya was human, he had spent so long refusing to believe such things, but the nights he spent awake, chained down in a home he was sure he would die in... he realized that he was very much a human.

Shizuo bid the man a good night, sending a text to Kasuka that said the same before changing his clothes, putting the cake away to give to Jin in the morning, and looking around the apartment. He couldn't believe that this was their lives now... and he rather enjoyed it, having his friends so close together, having the mystery solved and Izaya where he should have always been in Shizuo's arms.

He pulled Izaya close as he curled up in bed, pressing a kiss to his temple. Izaya moaned softly, turning around to face the man, to nuzzle himself into the blonde's warm chest.

He caressed a finger over Izaya's soft cheek, admiring his skin, his face, his life. He never would have said it if Izaya was awake, fearful for his response, but the three words he longed to say passed his lips in a whisper,

"_I love you..."_

Izaya moaned softly, moving into his arms as if he heard and understood the meaning. Shizuo sighed, pulling him close, protecting him.

He fell asleep with the raven clutched to his chest... and for once he felt like it was all going to be alright...

– –

Perhaps in the darkness of night, the world became calm once more, when Izaya woke near 2 in the morning he sat up with a gasp, the nightmares wouldn't leave no matter what he did.

He crawled from the bed, walking into his kitchen and looking around at the darkness, feeling alone though he knew he had more companionship now than he ever had in his life.

He walked to the window, looking at the snowy world outside and taking a deep breath, there was a feeling of fear still lurking deep inside him, the feeling that his calm days wouldn't last much longer. He rubbed his arms, cold from the thin windows of the low rise apartment buildings they chose as home. He hadn't gone to speak to the couple that lived in his old home, and in all honesty he didn't know if he ever wanted to, that was his old life, the life of an evil man who was tricked so easily into giving up his life, like so many before him.

Izaya stared at his hands against the window, biting his lower lip, perhaps it was just the darkness of night exciting his imagination, or perhaps his story wasn't over yet.

– -

**Go ahead, be mad at how shitty and short this is, I just feel like if I kept going it would drag on and I don't want this to drag on!**

**Anyway, chapter nine will be up soon, but honestly this story doesn't have much longer to go!**

**Don't forget ot review- reviews make me smile!  
And tell me what you think will happen!**


	10. Chapter Nine

**I am always amazed at the amount of love this story gets when I always expect for each coming chapter to be hated!**

**Thank you all so much for your support.**

**It's strange, I actually don't like stories with OC's in them, however I found as I was writing this that no one else would fit right with Izaya in such a situation, I was originally going to have Kida with him in the business, however after deep thinking, I figured Jin would be a better pick, but as many have asked, who is Jin?**

**Jin was an old rp character of mine, who has been transformed to my new OC, Damien Trek.**

**Anyway, thank you all so much for reviews, they keep me going!**

– –

**Warnings: Depression, suicidal thoughts and actions, homosexual amazingness, mention rape.**

– –

"_I may be on the side of the angels, but don't think for a moment that I'm one of them."_

_ \- Sherlock Holmes, BBC's Sherlock-_

– –

_Three Months After The Party_

Izaya stared out the window, biting his lower lip as the comings of spring fell down from the sky, he bit his lower lip, a cup of hot tea in his hand. He heard the footsteps behind him and crimson eyes flickered over.

"You seem sad..." The blond whispered, moving to stand next to him in near perfect silence. Izaya paused before shaking his head, raven locks falling in his eyes. "You're healing well, Shinra will be happy about that... but why are you sad?" Shizuo truly did love Izaya, no matter what happened in their past, he didn't care, this was now... and Izaya was all he could see. He didn't know what had finally snapped in his brain to help him see, but Izaya...

Izaya was so different.

Docile almost, he didn't have that snarky laugh that drove Shizuo to madness, he didn't have those uncaring eyes that glared down your soul... He had changed and Shinra wasn't all too sure about it.

"I miss life.." Izaya sighed, staring at the humans he no longer cared about. He had gotten so much better since they had been taken from that awful place but he wasn't going to lie and say he didn't have nightmares damn near every night."I just don't feel like me anymore."

Shizuo nodded, he figured something like that would happen sooner or later, Izaya growing to miss his old self.

"How the hell did you even end up in a place like that, Iz? How did this happen to you... you were so careful-"

"Not careful enough." Izaya nearly hissed, making Shizuo raise a brow. "I didn't want to be there, but it wasn't like I had much of a choice, none of us did!"

He had seen a few of the people around town, saw how they were trying desperately to return to their pathetic little lives that he was trying to not care about...

But he did, that was what scared him, was that he cared completely for them, he wanted them to survive, he made sure they did. He may not have had the power now that he did three years prior but he could help the people just like him in the ways he could.

"How many were there?" Shizuo whispered, rubbing his back, he didn't know much about psychological help but he knew Izaya needed it, the raven could refuse therapy until his death but he had to talk sooner or later. Jin had been doing good about visiting his therapist... Izaya refused. Shinra had mentioned a few times that getting Izaya to simply speak about the events could lighten his burden.

"A little over a hundred... I... I didn't see them all..."

"But you heard them..."

Izaya let his eyes close to force the tears back, he couldn't be seen as weak, he was doing so well!

"I'm not here to judge you Izaya..." Shizuo said softly, taking Izaya by the hand and leading him to the couch. "I'm here because I care..."

"I-I heard them!" He sobbed, every scream, every slap and every wish for death... he heard them all, after his second year he had stopped screaming, he still tried to die, but after Jin arrived... well... he had to stay alive, he couldn't leave Jin without protection.

"I know..."

"You don't know!" Izaya shouted, making Shizuo jump back, Izaya had yet to raise his voice but Shinra said to not get mad... Izaya needed to scream, he needed to let it all out. "Y-You don't know... the sound of hundreds of screaming, crying children... the sounds of rape, torture and death... the thought that any moment could be your last and that your life isn't your own..."

Shizuo was shocked, he didn't think it was that bad, the injuries he had seen were horrific, but... but hearing it... it was a stab in the heart.

"To have your first time be a rape... to be a prostitute and give yourself away because if you don't... they'll shoot you..." Shizuo pulled him close.

"That won't happen again." He whispered, tenderly placing a kiss to his temple.

"Maybe not to me... but to someone else..."

And Shizuo had no words to help him... but perhaps speaking about it was better than nothing at all, and Izaya did seem lighter. The raven glanced up, Shizuo placing a hand to his cheek.

"Izaya..." He whispered, mocha eyes smiling at him, kindness pouring from him. "I... I know that we haven't always been friends, and I know what I said a long time ago..." Izaya rose a brow and Shizuo just shook his head before pressing their lips together.

The first thing he noticed was the warmth. He had kissed many men in recent times... but none had ever had such... warm, soft lips. The moment Izaya parted for air, Shizuo captured his lips once more.

Izaya, for lack of better term, melted.

He melted into Shizuo's embrace, slowly wrapping his arms around the man's neck. Perhaps it wasn't his first kiss... but by far it was his best.

"W-Why are you doing this?" He whimpered, his crimson orbs closed tightly.

"Because, I told you..."

Shizuo seemed to have a secret, a joke that only he knew. Izaya wanted to press before he smiled slightly. "You'll have to tell me again..." He whispered, sitting on his knees on the couch, staring at the man beside him, looking at him so lovingly.

"Someday, heal first flea, then I'll tell you." He smirked.

Incentive indeed.

– –

Jin slipped out of the apartment faster than he had in a long time, Kyoya was finally asleep and Jin needed a moment to breath in silence.

He missed his brother more than anything, however he needed a moment to think. Did that mean that... they actually cared? That he wasn't alone?

No... Shinra, Shizuo... Izaya... they had proven time and time again that they loved him, Izaya more than anyone, without the raven haired male, he would probably be dead, he probably never would have made it out of that dammed place alive.

He walked the dark halls, knowing very well that he should have been asleep by such an hour, it was nearly midnight and most everyone was asleep.

He knew who he had to see.

After everything they had been through, he had yet to really speak to Izaya since they left. His days were taken by Shinra's medical visits, finding a proper job in a place he felt safe in, which turned out to be a nice little corner cafe where he was sure no one would harm him.

He knocked on Izaya's door, assuming the man was fast asleep in Shizuo's arms like he should have been.

But his assumptions, per usual, were wrong.

The raven opened the door, fully dressed, staring down at him with soft eyes and kiss bruised lips, obviously he kept himself busy that night.

"Jin?" He asked softly, confused as to why the boy was even awake. "What's wrong? Is everything alright?" he asked in worry, stepping aside to let the boy into his home. He would let Jin in no matter the time of night but tonight he was worried, Jin seemed... slightly better to say the least but nothing compared to what Izaya and Shinra had hoped, they had wanted him to get better quickly, needing him to stay alive.

"I couldn't sleep..." Jin admitted, it wasn't fully a lie, but not one hundred percent truth. Izaya wasn't going to scold him for not telling the truth, he knew they had both been through enough to lie once or twice.

He let the younger in, closing the door quietly before going to the kitchen to get Jin some of the strawberry milk in the fridge that Shizuo adored but he found to be disgusting. Jin had a sweet tooth, he would like it. The cherry haired male took the cup in a silent thanks, taking a long sip. 

"It still hurts." He whispered, making Izaya look up, cocking his head.  
"I know..."

"It seems so fake... being alive, I thought it was a dream when we first left."

"I know..."

For a moment there was just silence until Jin sat down. "I can't do this anymore Izaya." He said shakily, unable to take the breath he needed, trying to not cry as he had done so many nights in a row. It was almost a year after their captivity that he found it silly and childish to still be this upset and he was sure Izaya thought the same.

"I know you can't..." Izaya said softly, leaning against the counter. "You're pushing yourself Jin... you're hurting yourself and it's not going to end well if you don't stop soon."

"When will it end?" Izaya simply shrugged. "Why are you alright when it hurts so much for me?"

The raven glanced up for a split second before his eyes fell again,

"I'm not... neither of us are... Jin, come to terms with what happened, we were kidnapped, we were sold. Raped. Objects... the sooner your realize that now we are alive... the sooner you can breath again."

Jin knew he was right, after all, Izaya was back to normal... well... back to being human... he figured a life time of being cold and heartless made the man heal faster.

"How can you stand it? Knowing what they did to you? To me? To all those kids we never saw..."

"Because I loved Ren."

Jin's head shot up, eyes wide. "What?!" He barked, unbelieving the man was being honest.  
"I didn't know what kind of man he was then okay!" Izaya waved his horror away, looking down. "I... I was like... his little boyfriend after high school... I always sat in on negotiations and he treated me well enough at first. I started to hate him when he started cheating... I mean..."  
Izaya slid to the ground, shaking a bit. "W-We weren't even together... but he... he was so kind to me... I hated him when he shoved me into that room with his clients... I was no longer his little boyfriend... I was his negotiation piece... that was when I knew what kind of man he was."

Jin supposed he could understand, Ren was an attractive man with a voice that could convince, he had Jin wrapped around his finger at one point as well, he was sure everyone started out like that with him.

"I can only stand it by realizing that the world is fucked up," Izaya continued, "I helped it become that way in my own special little way... the sooner you realize that... the sooner it will be to live again..."

Jin moved to sit beside him, staring at him with sadness in his eyes. Izaya pulled him close, no matter what, they had one another, he knew at least that wouldn't change. "We'll be alright." The raven whispered, "I know not now... but soon, okay?"

Jin nodded and curled up in his arms, trusting the man he came to think of as a brother and best friend.

They fell asleep like that on the kitchen floor, the strawberry milk forgotten on the table and the two holding onto each other, their only lifelines in a world so cold.

– –

They were inseparable, so Shizuo placed them together on the large bed he had just gotten out of, only to find his raven gone.

Shizuo dressed, taking a deep breath as he walked about his day, trying to find that perfect medium to feel normal.

Needless to say a lot had happened in his simple life, he was sure that no movie could compare.

Tom was excited to see him, the debt collector smiled happily at his good friend, pulling him in for a hug. Shizuo wasn't big on hugs, he had always been afraid he would crush someone with his brutish strength, however he gladly hugged back, happy to see the man as well.

"Where the hell have you been? Is it true? Did you really save those hookers?" He asked, he didn't know... exactly... who Shizuo helped save.

"Y-Yeah... I guess I did..." He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Tom smiled, nodding as he sat down with his cup of coffee.

"Good... someone needs to help people like that, I'm just glad your back." He said happily.

Shizuo missed this normalcy.

– -

He helped the brunette male with whatever he needed, even ending up helping Tom move to a safer district, he greatly missed his old friend, pushing dead beats to pay their dues. He found himself wondering who did his job while he was away.

"So, really, where have you been?" Tom finally asked as the sun set and the two were left in the crowds of people, "Like I get the helping hookers thing but... it's been a while..."

Shizuo sighed.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you..." Somehow Tom found that hard to believe in itself.

"Try me."

So Shizuo told the man what had happened, how Ren Kaido, Jin, the hundreds of children in sex work now wondering the streets... and then Izaya.

"I figured you had a soft spot for him." The smaller male said absentmindedly. "I just thought it was one of those... calm before the storm things, or perhaps a twisted mutual respect... something more though?"

Shizuo nodded and refused to admit that he did blush.

Maybe he really didn't ever hate the raven haired informant... perhaps it was that sick, twisted fate of theirs that he was addicted to.

A bar seemed to be the best place for them to reconcile. A few drinks to loosen the mind and the lips and they told each other everything, Tom had been involved in a few things but gotten out before too much happened, Shizuo had been taking care of ex hookers.

Same old words, same old day.

And Shizuo loved every minute of it.

– –

– –

Izaya took a small breath as he pushed past the night time crowd, his fur trimmed jacket pulled tight over his body to hide his insecurities. He felt as if everyone was mocking him, watching him, however he knew it to be untrue. Most of these younger people were just children when Izaya was truly in his prime.

He felt like an old man just saying that.

He sighed softly, hearing the offers from men to 'show him a good time', he heard the girls giggling and a few drunk ladies even tried to touch him.

He didn't like to be touched.

He hailed a car, needing to see his beloved Shinjuku again, to see his beloved home. It had been so long that he wondered if they had torn his building down, it wasn't like the neighbors would mind...

And Namie... what became of her? He hadn't even thought about her, nor had Kida or Mikado crossed his mind, he had remember Mikado's name during his lonely years when he thought on everything he had left behind.

He wondered where they were or if those people were still alive.

The driver looked to Izaya and smiled, an older man, perhaps in his thirties. He knew the raven...

"Where to, Mr. Orihara?" Izaya smiled, at least someone could be kind in such a dangerous world.

"The penthouse apartments... please." He whispered, looking back at Ikebukuro. He knew Shizuo and Shinra would be mad he just left but this was his life...

and for once, he was going to live it right.

– –

**Chapter nine anyone?**

**I hope you enjoyed it as much as I am writing it! I wanted to give our lovely babies ONE calm chapter before the shit storm I have planned. **

**I want Izaya to be like... I can go back to my old life... or stay happy with Shizuo...**

**and Jin...**

**Oh Jin, I have plans for you!**

**Tell me what you think will happen~**

**Thank you for reading!**


	11. Chapter Ten

**Chapter ten is here!**

**From the calm to the storm, you all may or may not hate me.**

**Warnings: Suicidal thoughts and actions, homosexuality, (is that a bad thing? XD), mention of rape**

**I do not own Durarara or any of the characters (Except Jin and Kyoya, ****Aiko, Hinami and Hikarou****. I own those babies)**

**Enjoy**

– –

"_Yeah, well," Nico said, "not giving people a second thought…that can be dangerous."_

_ Nico di Angelo~ House of Hades_

– –

Izaya felt like a child facing a new school all over again.

That sense of wonder and slight fear of what was to come, he had no idea... but he was sure with his reputation it wouldn't be that pretty.

He stared up at the building he once lived in, the building where he was beaten to a pulp, took care of... clients... worked, played and watched the human race...

But he felt like an outsider looking in.

He tugged at the sleeves of his jacket, the fur bringing a slight comfort when he needed it most.

He didn't know what brought him back to this place, he was sure he never wanted to see it again...

But as he pressed the very top buttons of the elevator that went up, his heart beating faster and faster in his chest, he knew that there was a large chance he made a mistake.

His fingers drummed against the wall, a habit he had always had but only just noticed. He did it more often than not. The raven took in a sharp breath, the 'ding' of the elevator giving him the last chance he had to run away and never return.

His hand lay on the door and he realized that there wasn't a hole in it anymore from where a gang member tried to shoot up his home, the new owners must have cared enough to erase that memory.

A woman heard a soft noise at the door and she felt the need to check, ever since the blonde man had visited her a little over a year before, she had wondered when or if he would return. Aiko pulled the door open, raising a brow as her eyes met those of the little raven.

He tried to stand strong, gazing past her at the... homey feel of his former home... it felt wrong, the walls were painted softer colours, the furniture replaced with a blue set. "Can I help you?" Aiko asked, cocking her head.

"My name is Orihara Izaya, and I used to live here."

– –

Aiko stared down at the sad raven haired man in her doorway, she had not been expecting any visitors and while she wondered when Shizuo would return, she had not been expecting the former tenant to make a show.

"O-Orihara-san..." She whispered. This was the great Orihara Izaya, this was the man responsible for deaths, gangs, murders and crimes, who could end a human life with a flick of his wrist and who seemed to be pleasured in doing so.

Her husband heard her confusion and he took a step forward, Hikarou narrowed his eyes. "Hello." He said coyly, he didn't know who this sniveling child was but his presence seemed to be upsetting Aiko.

"Hika... this is Orihara Izaya, the former tenant."

Hikarou stepped back, cocking his head, he thought the man was dead... they all did.

"Please... come in." He stepped back, allowing Izaya into their home. Izaya's smile was worth the world and Hikarou felt horrid for him... this was his home... this was where it all began, whatever happened to Izaya, he felt bad for him.

"Yes... thank you." Izaya pulled his coat around his frail body, walking into the home with whatever dignity he could muster.

It was a shock to the raven, they had completely gutted his beloved home out, closets where there one was not, a child's toys scattered around them and Izaya accidentally stepped on a baby doll, which upon his stepping, it began to cry. He gasped and jerked back... sudden noises... he hated them.

"My apologies, Hinami leaves her toys where ever she does, we're trying to teach her to clean up." Aiko said in slight embarrassment. Izaya rose a hand, he knew that they were watching his every movement, trying to see what he was doing and what he would think.

"It's alright, please don't worry." He smiled, stepping away from the mas of dolls and blocks that belonged to the young child. "Children will be children." He laughed shakily with a wave of his hand.

That didn't stop Aiko cleaning them up quickly, Hinami was taking her nap..

"You don't mind... if I look around, just a moment... I've missed this place." He whispered. Hikaour nodded, he could understand, from what he heard and saw, Izaya did not chose to be taken from his home...

Izaya stepped away from the couple, walking to the place his desk once was, now it held a dining table and a set of chairs to match, he walked past them, he never had a dining room table, when he ate, he usually ate at the kitchen island. The bookshelf... that wasn't his. He smiled however as he stepped to the large window overlooking the city he once destroyed. He watched the humans below, placing his hand on the glass covered in fingerprints and maker.

"Can I get you a drink, Orihara-san?" Aiko asked softly, seeing his forlorn expression. She knew little of Izaya, only what she heard from people on the streets and the internet, she would be lying if she had said she wasn't at least slightly interested in his affairs.

"No... thank you..." He whispered, he just wanted a moment to himself. The raven sighed, finding no joy in watching the humans... Ren had destroyed him completely.

He stepped back from the window, walking into the kitchen that he now realized that he hardly used. Shinra or Celty usually came and made him food when he was too busy or too wounded to make himself food, he hardly got sick and thankfully that had yet to change, but Shinra and Celty still made him dinner and lunch when he didn't want to eat. Old habits die hard.

He walked the hallways, running his fingers over the wall before he stopped, there was a door cracked and he knew this room to once be his... this was his old room... he took in a deep breath and pushed the door open, had it always been such a loud door?

He caught his breath in his throat. There was a sleeping child in the now beautiful room, the walls painted sky blue while once they were white as snow... hanging clouds dangled from the ceiling, the carpet was the material that felt like grass...

This was his old room...

He slowly walked forward to the child laying in the toddler bed, he assumed it was a toddler bed, he knew little of children... he hardly remembered the bed toddler's slept in even though his own two sisters slept in one for many years.

He knelt down, feeling so out of place among the bright colours while he dressed as if he was going to a funeral. He realized he always dressed that way... perhaps it was time for a change.

She had soft brunette hair that was gracefully across the blue pillow under her... was this Hinami?

He sighed softly, seeing her untucked from her green blanket. He had not taken care of a child in many years, his sisters he often tucked in, kissed goodnight when their mother could no longer.

He drew the blanket over her tiny form, watching her turn towards him. "Hello..." He whispered, he knew how a parent could be, a grown man so close to their child, so he stayed a good foot away from her, he moved to sit with his legs crossed, watching her.

Izaya had never been good with kids, a flaw he carried all his life, after all, everyone did say he was before his time.

"My name is Izaya..." He whispered, watching her with a certain sadness in crimson orbs. "I used to sleep in this room too... I bet your mother and father found some interesting things when cleaning this place out." He laughed softly, how many blades had the poor couple found? How many of his cell phones or files of information that they could have died for knowing?

He watched her, cocking his head. "Stay innocent, Miss. Hinami." He begged, shaking a bit. "For your mother and father... stay innocent." He stood, blushing when he saw Aiko and Hikarou watching him.

"You have a beautiful daughter." He smiled, biting his lower lip. "This used to be my room." He stepped away from the sleeping girl and for a moment Aiko wondered if the man ever wanted a child...

"Thank you for allowing me into your home... you've made it very beautiful." He walked out of the room silently, letting the child sleep for a while longer.

"Before we moved in, there was a gang that swept through this home, a neighbor told us the day after we moved in... I don't know what they did... but when we came in, there were computers and phones scattered everywhere." Hikarou said softly,

Izaya rose a brow, "I suppose you don't know who the gang was." He sighed, running a hand through his ebony locks. "Mr..." He paused, looking up

"Suzuya..." He said softly.

"Suzuya-san... look... dangerous things happened in this home... I... I caused many bad things, though I assume you already know." He smiled tightly.

"What kind of things, Orihara-san."

He groaned inwardly, couldn't he get a well deserved break from his past?!

"Orihara-san..."

"I was an informant, you see." He explained, "I was the enemy of Shinjuku and Ikebukuro... people from all over the gang and mafia spectrum came to enjoy my services and I got involved in some deep things. It's better for your family that you don't stay here."

Hikarou thought Izaya was trying to scare them away.

"And why should we believe a stranger that just shows up to our home claiming to be a danger?!" He hissed, Izaya narrowed his brow and Aiko grew fearful... not for Izaya, for her husband... Orihara Izaya was a man who could end a life at will...

However he took a small breath. "I had two little sisters, Hikarou... Mairu and Kururi... annoying little beasts... they take after the best if I may brag." He laughed tightly at the thought of his trouble making siblings... "However when the Yellow Scarves found out about them... they too were targeted... those bullet holes in the doors, don't tell me you didn't know what they were, you found the blood I tried to push away... you saw the videos..."

"Orihara-san, it would be best for you to leave now." Hikarou growled, he didn't trust Izaya for anything.  
"You saw them... what they did... do you think I enjoyed a moment of it?" Izaya growled,

"Leave now."  
"Did you hear me scream for help?" Izaya sneered, feeling more and more like himself each moment passing, playing with this man's emotions. It was true, he wanted his damn home back, but he also wanted Hinami to grow up in a safe place. He hadn't looked into the gang data as of late since his return, but he knew... they knew that Izaya was back and he would be targeted once more.

He wanted Himani safe.

"Leave now!" Hikarou shouted, shoving Izaya away. Izaya groaned softly, his body was weak... he had been out of the game for far too long.

"Hikarou!" Aiko gasped, holding him back. Izaya straightened himself.

"Think about my words... and it shouldn't be too hard to contact me." He said softly, pushing away from them. He had to leave, he took one last glance at his former home, walking out the door.

Aiko ran after him and stopped him. "Orihara-san..." She whispered, holding his arm in her tiny hand.

"Aiko-chan..."

"Please... Hika may not like you but... come back... okay?" She smiled, "We can have tea." Izaya smiled happily... she was a kind woman and he greatly appreciated that. He bowed to her in thanks.

"I will... thank you..."

– –

Shizuo couldn't believe he ended up back in Shinjuku, after the events of the night, he thought he was going to go straight home however it seemed his feet wanted to take him to Shinjuku.

He lit a cigarette between shaking fingers, pressing the stick to his mouth, Izaya would call it a cancer stick... Izaya would have plenty to say.

He had gotten a few drinks with Tom and a few other men, trying to have a good time, he needed a good time... he needed a break from the disasters of the cruel world... but he found being with Tom's business men was boring and utterly lifeless.

In short he had to leave after one drink.

He leaned on the railing of a bridge, watching the world under him, the people... they were more interesting than he originally thought. He sighed softly and let out a tired laugh. Was this how Izaya felt when he watched humans? Were they truly that interesting? He didn't know... they all were going somewhere, had lives of their own... he found them utterly...

boring.

He groaned softly, this was a disaster, he couldn't go out without thinking about Izaya, he couldn't live without thinking about Izaya!  
He loved him.

As he leaned over the railing one last time he paused, seeing that familiar fur trimmed jacket. He smiled a bit more

"Speak of the fucking devil." He joked to himself, pushing away and walking down to where he had seen the raven haired man, when he found him again... he followed silently.

The people who knew him stepped out of the way, they saw Izaya... more so, they saw the tell tale crimson orbs that stared down a soul and the jacket, anyone who knew properly knew that this was Izaya Orihara and for all they knew, he had come back from the dead. Then Shizuo following... while he no longer wore the bartender outfit and opted for something more comfortable, the cigarette and glasses were enough to know.

"They'll kill each other"

"Thought he was dead"

"Should have been dead"

"What's going to happen?"

The voices made Shizuo more annoyed than before but they made Izaya stop.

They met eyes in the middle of a circle of bystanders, watching the former enemies carefully, seeing what they would do... Shizuo was near tempted to give them a show.

"Izaya-kun..." He purred, tossing his cigarette to the ground and crushing it under his left black shoe. Izaya turned, staring up. There was gasps from the crowd, had they really thought the rumors to be lies?

"He's alive!" A woman cried, Izaya laughed softly, a genuine laugh... Shizuo's heart warmed just from hearing it... it was slowly becoming his favorite sound in the world.

"Yes... I'm alive." He said, staring at Shizuo. People watched, taking pictures, how often was it to see the enemies not kill one another, but to have Orihara Izaya alive when before everyone assumed him to be dead. "I'm very much alive..." Shizuo took a step towards him, also towards a stop sign which most everyone thought he would pick it up and end Izaya for once and for all.

"So Shizu-chan... happy to see me alive?" He asked, raising a brow... this was it, this was where he would snap, Shizuo hated that nickname, right?

Shizuo laughed happily, taking Izaya into his arms. "Idiot..." He smirked, "Tsk... you should have stayed home... you usually don't leave this late."

Izaya melted in his arms, smirking at the shocked crowd, watching their expressions of wonder, awe and fear, the strongest and most cunning men in Japan, they were a fearsome duo.

"What the hell were you thinking? Going out without me, Shinra or Jin?!" Shizuo chided, glaring bullets into Izaya. The raven wasn't really suppose to be alone... he could get hurt too easy and he didn't have any of his beloved blades on him that Shizuo knew of, Shinra tried to keep him away from them... he didn't want Izaya to loose it and try to kill himself.

The overwhelming shock of the crowd was rather funny and Izaya laughed, before long, Shizuo joined him. He loved seeing Izaya no longer flinch when Shizuo embraced him... it was a win in his book.

Shizuo tangled his fingers into Izaya's pale ones, kissing his head. "Come on, we better get back before Shinra looses his shit over you leaving." Izaya blushed, looking down, he had forgotten to tell Shinra that he would be gone for the night.

Needless to say it was a shock for the masses.

– –

They walked back towards their apartment, a comfortable silence between them. Then Izaya smiled, tugging at Shizuo's hand. "What is it?" The blonde asked, moving to look where Izaya's eyes landed.

There was a clearing just a few steps away.

Shizuo glanced down at the younger male, wondering if that mean that the raven wanted to go to it instead of going home.

Izaya gave him that sad little smile, tugging his hand to walk with him, pushing through the fading light of nightfall, the street lights vanishing around them until it was just the moon and stars illuminating their paths. Shizuo's hand tangled itself in with Izaya's, following the raven with his entire heart and soul.

"Izay..."

Izaya placed a finger over his lips, looking up at the owl watching them from the large tree...

The blonde smiled, watching Izaya's every move... in a way he felt similar to the owl.

He supposed every couple had a beautiful start, some met at coffee shops, others met on blind dates... he wanted to kill Izaya when they first met...

not exactly the most beautiful start...

However here they sat under the stars and Shizuo couldn't help but think whatever forces were at work were giving him a second chance.

He moved to lay by Izaya, the raven's coat giving him a nice little shield from the ground, it wasn't wet but Shizuo knew how cold Izaya got. He smiled and lay beside him, glancing over him.

"Hey Iz..." He whispered, making the raven look over.

"Yes?" He asked softly, Shizuo overtaken by the utter beauty in his shimmering crimson eyes. What had he done so well that the world gave him back Izaya? This time to love and protect with all he had in his life

He sighed happily, moving over to the raven and getting closer, Izaya blushed richly, eyes wide before Shizuo pulled him close, large hands resting on Izaya's hips. "S-Shizu-chan..." Izaya whispered... and for once, Shizuo loved hearing that beautiful nickname...

It meant Izaya was alive.

He swooped in, pressing their lips together and ignoring the sound of utter shock from his love.

He smiled when Izaya began to kiss back, sliding an icy cold hand up to his cheek, their bodies pressed together and creating the marvelous heat that they both craved.

Shizuo knew that this was their beautiful start.

– –

He lay there, a sleeping Izaya next to him under the stars, they had spent hours kissing, looking at the stars and Shizuo listening to Izaya talk about them as if they were the most interesting thing in the universe.

He was utterly in love.

He moved to pull Izaya close, kissing the top of his head, these were the moments he lived for, when Izaya's no longer had nightmares, when they could lay in perfect calmness and just...

Just live...

Of course the calm never lasted, when would it ever?

The blonde's cell phone rang, making Izaya whimper but thankfully not wake, Shizuo pulled him close and answered it in a hushed toned, "Yeah?" He whispered.

"Shizuo..." Shinra said, his voice laced with terror and worry. "Get Izaya, come to Ikebukuro Medical..."

"Why? What's going on?"

He could hear choked sobs in the background, sitting up straight, eyes large.

"Jin tried to kill himself."

– –

**And yes, I'm an evil person, this is where this chapter stops!  
I hope you enjoyed the fluff and sadness!**

**Chapter Eleven will be up soon!**


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Hi guys! I'm so sorry for the lack up updates! A lot of things have started to happen and I've found myself with little time to write!**

**As well as my computer breaking and I literally just got it back!**

**Anyway, I'm sorry to say that sadness will happen, I know a lot of people will be mad at me, but sorry!**

**This isn't a happy story =)**

**So, I hope you all enjoy this new chapter!**

**Warnings: Self harm, homosexual relationships, suicidal mentions, mention of rape**

**NOTE: I just realize that I changed Jin's brother's name... it used to be Yanza... now its Kyoya... I"M SORRY!'**

– –

"_Scars. A sign that you had been hurt. A sign that you had healed.  
Had I been hurt?  
Had I healed?  
Maybe we just lived between hurting and healing." _

_\- Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sanez_

– –

Izaya was terrified, he didn't remember the last time he felt this way but he knew that this was pure fear drilling it's way into his veins, fear that made his heart pound in his pale chest and fear that pushed the tears down his eyes.

Jin was an idiot.

Izaya curled up legs up to his chest, holding them to it with his jacket covered arms in the too bright room of the hospital, he couldn't remember the last time he had been in this horrible place, he just figured it had been recently. He wasn't thinking straight, all he could think of was a funeral...

He didn't ever want to have to see Jin's funeral.

Shizuo saw his distressed beloved and pulled him close, easily lifting his thin body and placing him onto his lap. He kissed his head, knowing how much Izaya wanted to cry...

"Let it out." He whispered, letting Izaya nuzzle his head into Shizuo's shoulder.

But he didn't cry, he stared into the blank space between Shizuo's blond locks and the white wall with the poster of the happy couple and baby with a band-aid on his chin, he guessed that it was suppose to be some kind of joke, it didn't make sense and he found it utterly unfunny.

"He'll be alright." Shinra tried, knowing that no matter what he tried Izaya wouldn't be comforted until he saw Jin up and moving again, anything else was futile to even try.

He stared at the wall, not even realizing that there were two tears making their way down his cheek. Shizuo looked over at him, trying so hard to not run in that room and make sure Jin was fine... while Izaya was the closest to the cherry red head, they all cared for him greatly, Jin was family to the group, he was important to them all.

"Izaya?" Shinra asked softly a little while later, hoping his friend could hear him, he reached over and touched his arm gently, pretending to not notice him flinch at the touch. He sighed sadly, they had been at the hospital a little over an hour already in this waiting room and for most of the time, no one said a thing and no information was given. "Izaya?" He asked once more, sitting up straight. "I'm going to get some sushi from Russia Sushi... want some?" It was just past two in the morning and while Russia Sushi closed at nine thirty, Simon would always make some food if Izaya wanted some. He waited for an answer and realized that none would be given. He sighed and stood, nodding. "I'll order you guys some food... be back in a little while." He shoved his hands into his lab coat pockets and made his way out of the hospital in silence.

Shizuo rose his head from the slight cat sleep he was in, seeing Izaya still awake. "Iz, babe... you have to eat something, you're no help to Jin if you get sick yourself."

Izaya didn't answer.

He sat up with the raven male in his arms and watched the nothingness happening around them, a doctor or two would walk the halls ever so often, sometimes quiet, sometimes on his phone and sometimes humming a tune to a song Shizuo didn't ever recognize.

Ir was three in the morning when anything was said.

The man had dark brown hair, like most of the Japanese that didn't dye it (like Shizuo, which Izaya never understood, he was rather a purest if he was being honest) and wore a lab coat similar to Shinra's, only Shinra's was just his normal attire.

He didn't even get a chance to open his mouth before Izaya spoke first.

"He's not dead." He croaked out, it sounded like he had been crying, perhaps he had, Shizuo didn't claim to have noticed but then again he would do anything to make sure Izaya was happy.

"He's not dead." The doctor said softly, Izaya simply nodded, he didn't want to look up. He didn't want to hear the news, if something wasn't wrong then the doctor would have told them so hours before.

"What did he do?" Izaya asked quietly, making Shinra turn in horror.

"Don't be morbid! Jeeze Izaya!" He huffed, but Izaya ignored him easily.

The man in the labcoat sighed, it wasn't uncommon for the family or friends to want to know what happened... it was a healing process.

"An overdose with sleeping medication... the bottle was prescribed to Orihara Izaya." The raven haired boy whimpered in sadness.

"He downed my sleeping pills..." He said with little emotion, Shinra was appalled and thought perhaps Izaya didn't care but Shizuo knew better... this was how Izaya was when upset.

"Yes..." The doctor said softly, putting a hand on Izaya's shoulder. "Haniko-kun is alright, it's been hard, but we've gotten it mostly out of his system."

"That's good, right Iz?" The blonde said with a small smile. "Hear that Izaya? Jin is alive... he's alright."

"He's not awake, Orihara-san, however the drugs were expelled out of his system, however it'll take some time before he wakes... the best thing to do now is for you two to go home and get some rest... come on now." Izaya nodded sadly, sighing softly before Shizuo stood and lifted him up.

"Babe, he's right, we have to go home, we can eat and we can come back in the morning."

It took a bit of sweet talk to get Izaya home, he didn't want to leave the boy who he had come to think of as his younger brother.

"Izaya, let's go... you're exhausted. You need to get home, I'll make you something to eat."

Shizuo lifted his lover up, kissing his head and holding him against his chest. The doctor watched the two leave and sighed sadly. The man went back and checking on young Jin.

– –

When they returned to the new apartment, Shizuo unlocked the door, only turning on one light, knowing that Izaya was a bit sensitive to light still.

"Are you alright?" Shizuo asked softly, setting Izaya down on the couch and watching him curl up into himself. "Come on beautiful talk to me." He whispered, caressing his cheek. Izaya flinched and moved back, making Shizuo's chest hurt.

"Didn't you hear? The doctor said Jin was alive, he's fine... he's just asleep for right now so all we can do is rest and go back tomorrow."

Izaya nodded but didn't seem to listen.

Shizuo rolled his eyes before he walked into the kitchen, figuring his lover needed something to drink and eat. He made a bit of hot chocolate, he needed warmth. He made the drink, then a small snack of crackers and cheese. "Babe, you have to eat something."

Izaya glanced up, taking the steaming drink and sipping at it, purring at the warmth.  
"Thanks..." He muttered, looking down.

Shizuo sat down, kissing his head. "He's going to be alright... we just have to wait."

– –

**I'm so sorry for the shitty and lack of update...**

**Remember to review **


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